Fortune 500: Monday's Disappointment

The first week at my dream job with one of the biggest Fortune 500 companies based in the frozen tundra was nothing if not an abject disappointment. The first day alone was ridiculous and warned me that this company would be on equal footing as the non-profit I slaved at for three years when it came to technology. The morning training session was punctuated with a series of technological failures, and each event was more baffling than the last.

Trainer 1 had a laptop that refused to turn on, and once that issue was solved she had to go back to her desk multiple times for print-offs and other materials. We spent the hour between the end of the training and lunch sitting at what would be our desks with no instructions or direction. I couldn't even try signing in to the systems because I had a computer tower with no monitors. I was forced to socialize with a fellow trainee out of sheer mind numbing boredom. I would have been better off keeping to myself and drafting blog posts in the notebook I had brought with me.

The doctor is… IN

The answer to life, the universe, and everything is apparently ‘more drugs’. I finally got in to see my psychiatrist, who will now be known as Dr. Lucy, on Tuesday and she said we should try adding Zoloft to the Wellbutrin XL. The ultimate goal of this is to bring my anxiety back down to a manageable level. Apparently it’s not normal to feel like you’re choking 99% percent of the time. She also said that adding Zoloft might help with my sleeping problems, because not sleeping is a problem, since my body treated Celexa as a depressant. It was helpful in that I was able to live through the pain those first 9 months after Alberto left, but utterly useless because I became a Celexa zombie – a walking, talking, barely functioning nightmare.

Dr. Lucy is also of the opinion that I need something to do, even if that is simply preparing for the worst case scenario. She says that for someone like me, being stuck in limbo with nothing to work towards is a comparable form of torture to the rack. I need work to do, a plan to make, a goal to achieve so I feel like I’m doing something positive. Whatever I do to keep busy has to be something that will occupy my mind whether I’m actively thinking about it or not. It would also be best if my goal were not exclusively linked to the worst possible outcome. Dr. Lucy suggested I make a list of tasks that would need to be complete in order to facilitate an international move, and another list of issues to solve that would make my life easier here in the US. Then I could compare the lists, find something that overlaps, and work towards solving that issue. 

Today, I feel…

Very upset.  It has been a while since I have gotten this upset about something while still at work, but this was bound to happen.  On Tuesday this week Graciela emailed me saying that she had found a Doctor that was willing to travel to the jail to conduct Alberto’s immigration medical exam.  Graciela made sure to warn me that health insurance does not typically cover this exam, and the doctor was estimating charges in the amount of $350.  I guess the arrangement with that particular doctor fell through.

So today, Graciela told me about a different doctor who was able to conduct the physical on Friday afternoon so that we could have this taken care of before the hearing on Monday.  I guess they wanted to have some progress to report in order to secure the continuance.  Anyway, Graciela asked me if Alberto had ever had the chicken pox and if immigration have his passport.  According to mi suegra, Alberto had varicella when he was only 1 but it was a mild case.  According to the records from when he was enrolled in school in Minnesota, he had also received the varicella vaccine.  Actually he received the full battery of vaccinations because his sister didn’t have his records from Mexico and he couldn’t be enrolled in school until they were done.  Graciela told me the exam was estimated to cost $400 and I needed to call the clinic right away to arrange for payment.  I called and I talked to Sally who told me that prepayment was mandatory for all immigration physicals since health insurance hardly ever covers them.  Sally told me they would not go see Alberto for the exam until the prepayment was complete.  This is how I got upset.  How in the hell am I supposed to prepay a $400 medical exam when I don’t even have $40 between all of my bank accounts combined?!  I called my mom and asked the hardest question of them all; can I borrow $400 in order to prepay Alberto’s immigration exam?  The exam will take place Friday afternoon and I was able to tell Alberto all this during our Thursday visit.  Lance tells me I just purchased a continuance, as if that will make me feel better.

Turning over a ‘New Leaf’

I have always had trouble losing weight.  It’s a battle that is hard won no matter what the commercials for the latest fat burning pill or metabolism boosting supplements say.  I have to keep telling myself that the solution will not come out of some cleverly packaged capsule or beautifully designed box.  Such a shocking concept!  I realized I couldn’t afford WeightWatchers anymore so I did a few things on my own.  I joined myfitnesspal for the support, and started talking to my coworkers who I know were working on losing weight.  I needed a program that would work for me with the amount of time I had available and hopefully get results I could see.  I even talked to a personal trainer at my gym to see what he thought since I had been working out full tilt without seeing changes.  He told me that I was probably working too hard and burning the wrong calories, carbohydrates instead of fat calories.  I wasn’t about to brush off the type of advice I had been looking for, so I continued asking questions.  Within 30 minutes I was signed up something I had never heard of before: New Leaf Metabolism testing.

I presented myself at the gym at the appointed hour, a time I often refer to as the butt crack of dawn, unsure what to expect.  We sat down in a consultation room and talked about the program and what this test was about.  Today we were going to do my resting metabolism test to determine how many calories I burn daily based on my lifestyle, height, and weight.  The machine measures how much oxygen you inhale and how much carbon dioxide you exhale, so you have to wear a mask.  In the interest of conquering my fat deposits, I decided to bite the bullet and get it over with.  I wasn’t expecting it to look like some sort of fetish mask!  It reminds me of the characters (called snowths apparently) from the Muppets that were in the Mahna Mahna song!  I went through it, and the first test was just me sitting on a chair, breathing, for 20 minutes.  Exciting right?  I made the second appointment for later in the week, dreading having to exercise with the stupid thing on.

Monday is stalking me...

Last week was busy at work which helped me get my mind off of the deplorable behavior and general attitude of the DHS.  I refuse to dedicate every waking minute of my life to loathing them; it would give them too much power.  Ashley has been sick so I’m getting less sleep than normal, which amounts to about 4 hours a night if that.  I much prefer insomnia to sleeping too much, but it seems I may never find a happy middle ground.

On Tuesday I won a raffle at work for 4 free tickets to Disney on Ice.  I was happy to have won them, but they were for Thursday evening which would mean I’d have to skip my visit with Alberto that day.  At least I had the opportunity to tell Alberto in person on Tuesday, since he hardly ever calls me.  Since I had 4 tickets, I invited my mom and my niece to join Ashley and me.  I figured my poor sister-in-law would be too exhausted to enjoy the show since she is 6 months pregnant with her third child.  I really enjoyed the show and so did the girls. Our seats were awesome; we were on the lower level and 13 rows from the stage.  I definitely want to go again next year, so I better start saving now. 

‘Gourmet’ hot dog dinner - $30, cotton candy - $12, 2 t-shirts - $40, popcorn - $10, Rapunzel doll - $30, Rapunzel hair set - $16, parking - $5, listening to your child exclaim, “Mamí! Mamí!  Look at the princesses!  So pretty!” – priceless.  There are some things money can’t buy.  For everything else there’s a lifetime of debt on a high interest credit card. 

Seriously, that’s almost a $150 for a couple of lukewarm hot dogs that the girls wouldn’t even eat and a few souvenirs!  Yes, it was a cool show and we all enjoyed it, but how much would it have cost us if we’d bought the tickets too?  I shudder just thinking about it.

Let there be tacos

I don’t know about you, but I like to keep an eye out on the plight of the immigrant in other states besides the one I reside in.  Maybe I’m looking to keep my options open should I ever decide to leave the frozen north, but I feel better for it.  The latest news is from East Haven Connecticut, where four police officers have been arrested by the FBI in regards to human rights violations and racial profiling.  Joseph Maturo, the mayor of this town, was interviewed about the accusations and accusations.  He stated that the officers ‘were innocent until proven guilty’.  When asked about his plans for outreach in the Latino community, Maturo thought for a moment before saying, "I might have tacos when I go home. I'm not quite sure yet," he mockingly responded. Since that comment he has apologized for being insensitive and claims that his comment was taken out of context.  You can decide for yourself by watching the interview at this link.   The response of the community and its supporters was hand-delivered to Maturo’s office at 1:30 pm Thursday in the form of 500 tacos.  The article says that the tacos were later delivered to soup kitchens in the area to feed the people in need, although it doesn’t say whose idea that was.  I think the point was made though, and I hope it makes someone jockeying for position in the presidential race think about the state of our country for a moment.

My bank lovingly received my paycheck this morning, only to hemorrhage 90% of the funds in a matter of hours.  I’m hoping to be able to file my taxes this weekend, although I’m on the fence about how to do them.  Should I use Turbo Tax like I did every year before we got married, or go to the accountant in the same building as Lance’s law firm that I used the first 2 years after we got married.  My cousin Kim would normally do my taxes from H&R Block since she would give me the friends & family discount.  There is no way I would pay what they would charge me otherwise, my receipt last year said I saved $240 after paying $20 for my federal and state returns.  I can’t afford to pay that much for essentially the same services I get through Turbo Tax.  The accountant would even be cheaper!  I will receive a decent refund again this year, but sadly the majority of the funds will go to paying off collections, paying down debt, and going into reserve for immigration.  Whatever is left over will be used to buy something fun for my loved ones.

I could really use a wish right now…

So on Tuesday morning I received an email from the attorney that the Judge rescheduled our court date.  We’ve been pushed back a week because the prosecutor is mired in a murder trial right now that they expect to spill over into next week.  It was a relief really because now we have more time to prepare for the trial, meaning more time for Brian to get his shit together.  The witness interviews took place on Tuesday evening at 5 pm, though they did not go as I had expected.  David, my brother-in-law, asked me to be there for the interviews so that ‘esos güeys’ would actually show up for the interviews.  So I emailed Brian to let him know I would be there which prompted him to cancel the interpreter since I could provide the service for him.  I said that I wasn’t really comfortable with this and stated why, to which he responded “I just need a mouth piece.”  Seriously Brian, what the hell? 

The interviews went well and the witnesses are in sync with one another without having the same story (which would be the case if they were lying).  Alberto on the other hand, will not be allowed to testify during the trial because his story is too different from what the 3 amigos had to say.  I chalk this up to someone telling Alberto a couple of times how they think everything happened until he believed that’s what he witnessed; it’s actually an interrogation tactic that is proven to coerce false confessions from innocent people.  Alberto is very susceptible to suggestion and he can have a difficult time remembering facts which were pointed out during his psychologist evaluation that was required before his first visa appointment because he had an arrest record.  The psychologist asked him for dates and details of his arrests that Alberto doesn’t remember, so the psychologist asked if he should mark Alberto down as a retraso mental.  Alberto said that the psychologist was joking, and apparently he guy was very nice and actually friendly.

Act of Kindness

I admit that I get irritated when Alberto asks me to make phone calls on behalf of the people he’s in jail with.  Call this guy’s sister because he needs more money in his commissary account, call this guy’s wife because the phone has calls blocked from the jail, and the reasons go on and on.  I really don’t mind helping people, what I mind is that these people end up with my phone number when I call them.  The latest call for assistance takes the cake for sure.

Alberto warned me that he had given my phone number to a woman named Nelia so that I could help her.  You see, Alberto had told his friend about how I made it so he could call Mexico and this friend wanted to do the same.  Nelia called me a scant 45 minutes later and I began to explain how to set up the accounts.  I was shocked to learn that she did not have an email address!  Since she described herself as computer illiterate, I took it upon myself to set up the system for her.  This process I discovered involves forwarding calls through Google Voice to a long distance provider called Localphone which then connects you to the number currently listed on their system.  The reason I agreed to set this up is because the phone calls between the boyfriend and Nelia were costing them a fortune as she was in the next state.  The telecom provider for the jail is one of those companies that loves to bleed people dry with fee upon fee upon fee.  I made sure all the settings matched what I had in place since the system worked for Alberto last week.  I told her what she needed to do to change the phone number the chain would link to in the end, but I have a feeling I’ll be changing the settings for her.

A week that I am glad to be done with…

Ashley’s birthday was a good day, although rather disappointing.  No one who said they were coming actually showed up to Ashley’s birthday party, so it was almost a complete disaster.  The day was saved when my sister-in-law came with Kay, so at least the girls had some fun playing together.  Ashley was clingy by the end of the night, so I let her sleep with me.  I didn’t think too much of it when she woke up at 3 am, whimpering and overly warm.  She asked me to take her up to her bed, which I did and she was back asleep instantly.  She woke up crying at 5 am, and then again at 7 am when it finally computed that she was feverish.  I gave her some Motrin and water in a sippy cup before she fell asleep again.

I was wide awake by the time I had rocked my poor baby to sleep at 7 am, but I still decided to lie down awhile as I figured this was not going to be a great day.  We had a wedding shower for my cousin at 1 pm, and I felt comfortable enough leaving Ashley with my dad since she ate breakfast and had been playing all morning.  Around 3:30 I got the call from my dad.  Ashley was whimpering on the couch and she didn’t want to play, watch her movie, or even get up.  It was about this point when we wished I had driven up separately, but we said our goodbyes and rushed home to my baby girl.  I convinced my mom to drop me off at the house first before taking Carol home because I had a feeling that I was needed as soon as possible.  Upon entering the house, I kicked off my flip flops and ran downstairs to get Ashley and she cried plaintively when she saw me.  I changed her diaper and I brought her upstairs so I could give her some Tylenol.  Just as I was reaching into the cabinet for the bottle, she threw up on me. 

Bittersweet Memories

Each letter I receive from Alberto is better than the last.  He is writing down on paper the words that he would so rarely say.  My favorite part of each letter is when he describes a memory that he has of us that made him smile that day.  The times we would go walking in the park, to the movies, or even just having a lazy day in the house with a few rented movies.  He talks about how much the walks together meant to him, but it seems he doesn’t remember how I would have to pester him to get him to go anywhere.  Mi media naraja is more of a homebody than I ever was, and I was pretty adept at sitting on my butt for hours at a time.  I remember the times we would go the movie theater and spend time in the arcade playing air hockey, and now that theater is gone as well as the arcade.  I remember going to the fair with Alberto and buying him something silly just because I wanted to see him smile.  Memories are looking at the past with rose-tinted glasses, forgetting the mundane and emphasizing the pretty.

I am more sentimental then I thought I was.  Today as I was cleaning out my purse, which I have to do on a weekly basis, I discovered all of the letters that Alberto has written me from jail.  I didn’t realize that I was carrying them with me everywhere I go, but I have done just that for over a month.  I like the idea that I am carrying a piece of my husband with me whether I go.  I also have a $200 and $100 peso bill in my wallet from our last trip to Mexico, Alberto’s new check card, and a 1987 Mexican silver coin.  I also have a variety of key chains that include the virgencita keychain I bought at the Basilica, one that is engraved from Things Remembered, and a third that I only put back on yesterday that is a bit more meaningful.  I lost it at one point a few years ago when I lost my one and only car key for a few days and I was distraught.  It is an old silver Mexican coin from the 1950’s that has cut-outs that were melted back onto the coin to make the virgen at her chapel and I love it.  I think I harassed Alberto for several months before he let me have it, but I have carried it for several years.  I used to have the card for the last bouquet of flowers in my wallet, but after it started fading last year I put it in a picture frame.  The last time he gave me flowers was in July of 2002; three red roses that unfortunately did not survive the move.  I want to find a pretty box to put all of my memories in, and I know I should go through what I have in the shoebox I had been using and throw some things out.

And suddenly, nothing continued to happen...

It’s been really slow since my last post therefore I don’t have much if anything to write about.  There’s enough for a longish summary, so here we go!  The weather forecast states it will continue to be disgustingly humid in Minnesota until the flying monkeys arrive to attack the massive upper-level ridge that has us trapped this heat wave.  The humidity is so high that you sweat rolls down your face after being outside for 5 minutes!  You feel like you’re in sauna, only in verse since the only respite is an air-conditioned environment.  In the Fall, Winter, and Spring we complain about the snow, ice, and those idiots that forget how to drive every year.  During the Summer we complain about the humidity, road construction, and the rough sledding conditions.

One of the more interesting things that happened lately was on Wednesday last week when I got a phone call during the day.  I answered the phone in English for the first time in weeks only to listen to some guy stammer for several seconds.  I tried again in Spanish and this guy proceeded to talk a mile a minute.  The guy was calling regarding the visa application looking to speak with Alberto.  I informed him that Alberto was not available to take any calls at this time and I advised him to contact our attorney.  He read the attorney’s phone number to me for validation and then stated he would be contacting Lance immediately.  I was puzzled by this call, so I emailed Lance with the information I was given as well as the phone number from my caller ID.  I googled the phone number and it came back as a relay number for the National Visa Center, however I suspect he was actually working within the American Consulate of Ciudad Juarez since he evidently did not speak English.  Here is a clear example of why I find the immigration attorney so irritating at times.  Lance replied to my email, “This is odd indeed.  Let me call.  I suspect it is about scheduling and no more.”  He writes as those he were composing a telegram.  Maybe he was abducted and replaced by an android like Data from ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’.  Either way since we are not processing anything on the immigration front at this time, I found him to be more amusing than anything.  Later it occurred to me this could be the result of my latest email to the Senator’s office requesting assistance.  So far I haven’t heard anything back, but tomorrow or Thursday I will poke at Lance again.

Tiggers aren't the only things that bounce...

There is nothing more pleasant than when your attorney writes you an email to let you know your payment bounced.  Now I am no longer allowed to write checks for my bi-weekly payments and I owe the original amount of that check, plus a $25 fee charged by the attorney, and the returned check fee imposed by the bank.  Fantastic! Not only that but next pay day is not going to be pretty since I didn’t get paid for the Holiday and I have to take a few hours off to be at Alberto’s court on Friday morning.  What I really need is for Marcos to man up and pay me what he owe, and for Fabian to stop being a pendejo about the money he owes Alberto.  I am really tired of all of this financial terrorism inflicted by a depressed economy and a sadistic bank.  For once in my life I just want to be ok, and not have to count my pennies as they fly willy-nilly out of my wallet.  I think I really need to consider going to bed even though I can’t sleep since I actually used ‘willy-nilly’ in a sentence.

I decided to change the name of my blog today because ‘Light A Candle’ did not really describe why I am blogging.  As much as I would like to believe that what I say on here is helping reduce ignorance on a small scale, in reality I blog because I need an outlet.  It is driving me crazy that Alberto calls me maybe twice a week a most, but I know he’s doing it to try and save us money.  I wanted to try and get out to the jail early Wednesday morning, but who would have imagined that I would actually sleep on Tuesday night?  It seems that my body mutinies at the most inconvenient times possible. 

I guess I’m throwing in the towel for the night although I fear I won’t be able to sleep the moment I lie down.  I will have to take my chances I guess and write some more tomorrow!  Here’s my quote of the post:

Más vale morirse cagando que pasarse la vida comiendo mierda.

(Better to die shitting than to go through life eating shit)

It made me laugh when I saw it, so there it is!

Ciao

Interesting Spanish words/phrases from this post:

Que Vida, La Mi:  What life of mine (it depends on your point of view as to what translation sounds best)

Pendejo:  Dumbass, Jackass, Stupid, Moron  (vulgar)

Más Vale:  It is better to

Cagar:  To Shit  (vulgar)

Rambles

I’m going to walk away from any additional anxieties for the time being and focus on the neuroses I already have.  Lord knows I have enough troubling me without adding to the laundry list of fears that are causing me to lose sleep.  I keep reminding myself that I get to see Alberto tomorrow and that in itself is a small miracle.  As a matter of fact the visit only costs me $4 for parking and some gas.  On our last trip to Mexico, the airfare was $622.61 for me with an additional $77.39 for Ashley’s ticket since they only charged me the ‘taxes’ for a child under 2 years old.  What’s interesting is if you add everything up: $622.61 + $77.39 + $77.39 = $777.39 which I thought was a pretty auspicious number at the time.  Three and its multiples happen to be lucky for me and nine is some numerology result I vaguely remember from several years ago. 

There was a point in my life where I spent a large portion of my waking hours taking online tests because I had no life or friends to speak of.  According to my mom, I did not cope with the move from the city out to the suburbs very well.  She told me that I was difficult and largely unwilling to try and make new friends which may have caused the majority of the problems I had with kids my age throughout my school years.  Well what can you expect from an 8 year old really?  Not only that, we moved two weeks before school was out so I spent the entire summer moping around because I couldn’t see my friends.  What could possibly go wrong moving 20 miles away from the only friends you’ve ever known, and being socially awkward?  I can’t blame anyone but myself for the years that followed and there are sometimes I wish I could go back and change everything but then where would I be now?  Sometimes it’s best not to think about it.

Blood sucking financial institutions

Today is the day I decided to look for a new bank for our joint accounts.  I have absolutely had enough of Wells Fargo’s porquerías.  I am being charged $10 a month for letting the bank hold onto MY money?  On top of that their telephone customer service is appalling, and the bankers at the branches are not always all that much better.  They are a soulless community of leaches that heartlessly attach themselves to the wallets of the less fortunate.  They’re like chupacabras only instead of blood; they suck your wallet dry.  Wells Fargo was not my choice, but it was the only bank I knew of at the time that could accommodate us since Alberto doesn’t have status in the United States.  Lizzy said that she and her husband have accounts through Us Bank, and it appears they are less evil than Wells Fargo so I’m going to look into switching.  If anyone else knows of a bank that does the same, please let me know since I love having options!

I use a Credit Union for my personal accounts that I use to pay the bills and I think I would go crazy without them.  Why choose a Credit Union you ask, well I would be more than happy to tell you!  My number one reason is that Credit Unions are serving you, not some nameless board of directors looking to line their pockets with your hard earned money.  I love having my checking and savings account FREE, and that it only took the price of a share ($5) to join.  I also get free checks, but that may be because I have been a member so long.  I walk into the Credit Union and one of the tellers will greet me by name and ask me about my daughter and husband.  When my mom had her checkbooks stolen several years ago, Leah noticed that the signature did not match and stopped all the checks from being honored.  My mom did not have to pay for any special service, and it did not cost her anything to get the situation squared away even though the culprit was never found.  How cool is that?  Leah has known me since I was 8 or thereabouts, and I miss her dearly since she transferred to another branch.  Melissa is my go-to gal these days and she is always willing to go the extra mile to help me out in my time of need.  If I am ever too far away from my branch when I need to complete a transaction, I simply go to a CU Service Center and they will help me free of charge.  How many people can say that about their bank?

Interesting revelations

This weekend was rather unexciting to tell you the truth, but sometimes these are the best weekends of all.  I had to work on Saturday which isn’t terribly fun, but you have to make the most of what is given to you.  We managed to get caught up on the registrations for programs starting on Monday, and for any registrations that were turned in late for last week.  I didn’t encounter too many problems overall which always puts me in a good mood since that streamlines my data entry.  The most irritating thing we came across all day was 4 registrations that came with a cover letter from a woman that referred to herself in the third person.  Why this woman couldn’t write out what she needed in plain English is beyond me, but based on the writing I would say she most likely works in the law firm and doesn’t understand the concept of grammar.  It took a broad interpretation of the letter in conjunction with the completed registrations by no less than three individuals in order to construe what exactly it was that she was trying to say.  This is why education needs more support to help people succeed in life!

I ended my shift well satisfied with the amount of work I had completed.  I also managed to catch up on the hours I had been missing during the week without working more than 4 hours!  If Deza doesn’t work 40 hours, then Deza doesn’t get paid 40 hours and that makes Deza very sad indeed.  I can’t afford to miss work because I’m already living paycheck to paycheck. 

Living the dream

On Thursday after work I took Ashley to a pediatric dental office to have them look at her amazing Technicolor tooth.  I tried to leave work by a specific time to get to my mother-in-law’s house early enough to avoid any of the predicable delays, only it just didn’t work out for me.  I had to help Judy find some registrations that I entered for a special program, so that put me behind a good 15 minutes.  Judy is so nice about the hundreds of questions that I ask her on any given day, so I was glad to be able to help her out.  I rushed out of work and drove to Gisela’s house as fast as the law would allow.  I swear I got a red light at every single intersection I came across!  So I get to Gisela’s and immediately my eyes are drawn to the sleeping form on my daughter on the couch, still in her pajamas no less!  Now I know for a fact I had mentioned this appointment three times during the week and twice in the morning.  Gisela asked me what I was doing there so early and suddenly remembered about the appointment I had told her about.  I set my nieces about to finding Ashley’s shoes and socks while I woke her up as slowly as possible and changed her clothing.  She was also covered head to toe in mugre and sweat so she didn’t exactly smell like a flor either.  I managed to get my complaining daughter changed and wiped down with a damp cloth.

I hustled us into the car and stowed the bag with Ashley’s clothes and diapers and off we went.  There was no help for it at this point; we were going to be late.  Anyone who knows me knows just how much I despise being late for anything.  On a typical day I am at work at least 30 minutes before the start of my shift and I’m out of sorts if I’m not early.  Anyway, we were making good time until we got to a certain portion of the freeway less than a mile from our destination where traffic slowed to a crawl.  It was at that point when the receptionist from the dental office called me to make sure I was aware of our appointment.  I advised the receptionist that we were less than a mile from their office but stuck in traffic at the moment.  She said that if we were more than 15 minutes late, we would lose our chance to be seen and a fee would be assessed for insufficient notice since they have a 24 hours policy.  We managed to arrive at the office exactly 10 minutes after our set appointment time.  I spent the next 10 minutes filling out paperwork while Ashley played with the toys in the lobby.  By this point she was actually in a rather good mood which is rare when you have to wake her up from her nap.  We were shown back to the exam area and Ashley sat on the chair all by herself.  The dental assistant looked at the tooth in question and checked for any sign that would indicate a problem.  Ashley was not happy at all after the initial exam since the dental assistant had to push and pull on her tooth and the surrounding gums.  They decided they needed an x-ray so she had me sit down in the exam chair and hold Ashley on my lap.  As she draped the lead apron draped over us, she asked me if there was any chance of my being pregnant.  I started laughing.  I just couldn’t help it!  Luckily she took that as a no and didn’t ask for an explanation.  We had to restrain Ashley for the x-ray because the bite thing they use was a little too big for her mouth so she fought it.  The x-ray was clean; there was no damage to the root so I was told what signs to watch for regarding the tooth.  Otherwise Ashley is doing well with her teeth and doesn’t need her first real visit until her last molar comes in which should be within the next six months.  Beautiful, one less thing I need to worry about!  I am so happy I have such a healthy, mostly well behaved girl.  I attribute the mostly well behaved part to her being a normal toddler, which also makes her highly entertaining.  My favorite thing that she does these days is when she wants to play with me or my mother.  She jumps and waves her arms while singing, “boo boo, boo boo!”  That is her version of the classic taunt, ‘nana nana boo boo’ which only makes it funnier when she does it. 

May this night be uneventful

I’m hoping for a nice quiet night at this point.  Work today was frustrating to say the least and I need time to decompress and wallow in my 450 thread count sheets.  I am a firm believer that small luxuries are a worthwhile investment as long as you don’t spend beyond your means.  I have two sets of plain serviceable sheets that came as a package and on sale, and my wonderful sheets de lujo.  I change my sheets regularly because not doing so would be completely disgusting, but my deluxe sheets stay out of rotation until I have a particularly bad day.  I’m hoping this way they will last longer since I can’t afford to buy anything new for a while.  I need to get another job just to support my daughter’s diaper habit, since Ms. Ashley does not want to be potty trained.

Speaking of potty training, we have a sticker chart up on the bathroom wall and she gets mad when I don’t let her put stickers on it.  So far this has not done much to motivate Ashley to use the potty, so maybe I need to get some extra special stickers.  What else could I possibly do to motivate the girl?  I will not use food as a motivator because I do not want to lead her down my path to an unhealthy weight.  She already has a bunch of toys.  Maybe I should figure out a way to use coins since she liked my coin purse so much it became Ashley’s coin purse.  She likes to go around to everyone and show them her ‘monies’.  I guess this is something I need to keep thinking about, and I’m going to try pushing for potty training this weekend again.  The problem I have with Ashley is that she is so stubborn that anytime I try to get her to do something she’s not keen on, she shuts down.  I would say she learned this tactic from her father; however she has never been around him enough to pick up this behavior.

The hits just keep on coming

Saturday arrived with yet another slap to the face.  I had a horrible night with a sick toddler, so I probably slept no more than 3 hours total.  Even so I was up at 7 o’clock to shower and get dressed.  Ashley woke up crying before I had my outfit together, so I turned on some cartoons to keep her occupied while I got ready.  After last minute issues were taken care of, my mom gave us a ride to the jail since parking was so expensive when I was there on Thursday.  I had asked her to do me that favor yesterday and Lizzy was going to pick us up to go to the meeting afterwards.

We arrived at the jail facility and I got our things together so we could go and visit Alberto.  When we walked in the doors I was surprised that the only people in the lobby area were the two uniformed guards.  Feeling more optimistic I approached the desk and stated my business.  The guard who was a county officer replied rather smartly that visiting was closed because there were too many people waiting to visit on the block where Alberto was being held.  I asked her to please double check for me since this would be the first time Alberto would see his daughter it well over a year.  She called the guard on the block in question, and said that there were still too many people waiting so I would have to visit on another day.  I was crushed.  Though I tried my hardest to maintain my composure, I felt a few tears slip past my guard.  I simply have no defense against any setbacks when it comes to Alberto.  Ashley and I settled ourselves in the lobby to wait for Lizzy to arrive since it was still a little chilly outside.

And Friday was not much better

I think the title says it all.  After the issues I had with Ashley and pink eye in the morning, I decided it was best for me to stay home today and care for my daughter.  I did this knowing that I will be short on hours this week and I can’t make them up.  I’m a seasonal staff member at my place of employment, so I don’t have any options like PTO or sick time for this fiasco.  I absolutely hate staying home unless it is: covered by PTO, covered by Sick Time, or absolutely unavoidable.  I’m the kind of person who stays home only if I’ve vomited in the last few hours, am too dizzy to walk, or I have a fever of 101° or more.  I think this stems from being the sole breadwinner for so long and from my three month stint of being unemployed.  I’ve found that I go crazy when I’m not working, although I would be willing to try this experiment again once we’re living together on our own.  A major issue I had with being home all day was being here with my father who was laid off a few years ago and still is unable to find a job.  The sad thing is we were better off financially when I wasn’t working because my benefits covered all the bills with some extra for essentials.  Now I can barely make ends meet and I have fallen behind on some of my bills because of gas and childcare expenses. 

Childcare expenses, so you see I am paying my mother-in-law for watching my daughter get into trouble because no one is watching her closely enough.  I have a few examples, but the one that is currently pissing me off the most is this one:  I arrive to pick my daughter up just like every other day and everyone is out front because the heat in the house was oppressive.  I went in the house to get Ashley’s bag when my niece Jimena comes up and says that my daughter broke her Nintendo DS.  I ask her how Ashley managed to do that and Jimena tells me that she threw the DS out of the second story window of the house.  I am shocked by this revelation because Ashley does not throw things when we’re at home, let alone out of a window.  My mother-in-law Gisela confirms the story; Ashley was in her bedroom and chucked the game out of the window.  Gisela then proceeds to tell me how a few days prior Ashley had gotten into someone else’s room and tossed a bunch of clothing and a bottle of cologne out of his bedroom window.  I can’t remember exactly who said that I was on the hook to replace the game, but it was at this point I got mad.  To make sure I wouldn’t say something I would later regret, I picked up Ashley and left. What the hell is Gisela doing during the day if she’s not keeping an eye on my daughter whom she insisted she be allowed to care for?  The fact that Ashley did it a second time and it is going to cost me money to replace a broken object makes my blood boil.  She was obviously never yelled at the first time around.  Mind you this is only the most recent offense.  Also she would not have been able to toss anything out of the window if the screens were not in tatters on all the windows.

A week to forget and it's not even Friday

This whole last week has been pretty lousy to tell you the truth.  I had accepted on Monday afternoon that they were going to bring him back here since the 10 days had passed without Alberto gaining his release.  This inspired a mad cleaning frenzy since I was embarrassed at the condition of our room.  I make sure Ashley’s room is clean, and the family room where she plays is clean.  I honestly don’t care what my room looks like as long as my clothes are clean and accessible and the bed is in good order.  Alberto on the other hand doesn’t like having the bedroom in a constant state of disaster.  The problem is I have been in the middle of organizing and throwing out junk for about a month now, so I have things everywhere until I find a place for them.  I am a huge pack rat, and I have a hard time throwing anything out which makes our room cluttered.  I freely admit most of the things I have are crap, but that doesn’t stop me from having to sort through every single little thing I own and still setting things aside to keep.  I still have a lot of work to do on our room, but it definitely looks better.

On Wednesday I went online to make sure he was still in jail, and it showed he was released at 8 am that morning.  I called the information line at the jail, and the guy I talked to confirmed that he was in the process of extradition.  I didn’t know what mode of transportation they were using, but I knew he would be here sooner than later.  I didn’t hear anything else for the entire day.