Open Post To CBS

It's almost embarrassing to admit that up until recently, I watched The Bold and The Beautiful religiously.  I followed the story of Rick and Maya with intense interest, hoping that CBS would treat Maya and her transformation with respect while using it as a plot devise.  I feel that CBS did justice to the transgender part of GLBT, but what followed this couple's 'happily for a little while' (after all this is a soap opera) was nothing short of offensive.

I thought we would be dealing with your standard love triangle in regards to Liam, Ivy, Steffy, and Wyatt.  I was indignant to say the least when it was revealed that Ivy wanted Liam to marry her for immigration purposes.  This is illegal, immoral, and a slap in the face to each and every one of us that is stuck in this immigration nightmare.  My husband, best friend, and father of my only child has been waiting for more than half a decade to be granted the opportunity to return to the USA to be with his family.  When you take into consideration my personal experience and exquisite torment that is living without your soul mate, one can see why I find this plot line infinitely more disrespectful than TLC's 90 Day Fiance.

Ciao,

Deza

Life Goes On

I know it has been a long time since I have done anything with my blog and I always say that I'm going to go update everything that has happened, but this time I mean it.  This time I am going to deliver on that promise.  Do you know why I plan to deliver this time after all those broken promises?  It's because I am mad as hell and I am not going to hold it in anymore.

We submitted the waiver to the lockbox back in October only to get an RFE in the mail at the beginning of March.  The RFE requests a ridiculous amount of information, most of which should be in the goddamned file already since it probably has it's very own filing drawer by now.  The waiver we submitted in October was 900 pages long for fucksakes.  

More of the Same

I've really bad about keeping my blog up to date, which I'm sure by now many of you have noticed. I will, as I have in the past, create posts that cover events that have happened since the end of October. There just isn't a lot to write about during that period of time. Perhaps it would be easier if I committed to writing a minimum of a paragraph each week and posting that as I go, since it the length requirement in my head that keeps me from writing more often.

Since October, our I-130 was approved for the second time and was forwarded to the NVC for processing. I then sifted through 7399+ pages of documents to find names, addresses, and phone number for each employer my husband had since he arrived in the United States. We can all be thankful to my packrat tendencies which have saved us several times in the last 6 years. The down side is that this does make my room a veritable mess at the best of time since I am in a perpetual state of cleaning and organization - which I never manage to finish because God forbid people leave me alone for a solid hour at a time.

All Hallows Eve

I just have to breathe in, exhale, and repeat. I’ve turned in my evidence, picked out my outfit, and worked out my schedule to the minute. My information packet was over 200 pages, and included some unusual sources such as the visitor records from the County Jail where Alberto was held the longest.

I’ve had my meeting with Lance to prepare for the interview tomorrow. He said that the interviewer needs to like me, so I need to keep my temper in check. I’ve been practicing some breathing techniques and some of the answers to anticipated questions that could set me off. Lance made sure to tell me what to expect during the interview and let me know that it will be his job to get mad regarding all these extra steps we’ve had to take because of USCIS errors. I’ve repacked my purse, removing anything that is not essential and my dangerous weapons (i.e. small manicure set). I have the passports, a wallet-size picture of Ashley, and my bracelet that will supposedly protect me against the evil eye. I’ve always thought it was funny how superstitious a person can get on the night before or day of an important event.

Crafting Arrows for Battle

I received the I-130 interview letter this week from the USCIS. Molly sent me a copy via email along with a memorandum that outlines the categories for which I should supply proofs to support the status of our very real relationship. The 5 categories that I need to cover are: 1) Evidence of Visits and Communication, 2) Financial Records for Joint Assets or Liabilities, 3) Birth Certificate of Child Born to the Marriage, 4) Statements from at Least Three Persons, 5) Other Evidence Establishing a Bona Fide Relationship. I immediately made a list of what I had in my files or could obtain and sent that information back to Molly asking if there was anything I might be overlooking. I also mentioned that some of the documentation I don’t have copies of (i.e. last bank account we held jointly) should be in the waiver packet we sent back in February of 2012. Lance said, “Just add to the heap of paper post waiver submission.” Ok, that gives me a starting point!

I opened my copy of the waiver and reviewed the table of contents and scrolled through some of the pages to see what they already had. I started a table of contents for the documents I was going to give Lance and Molly since I am nothing if not obsessively organized when it comes to anything immigration related. At the end of day one, I had printed and cataloged over one hundred pages of supporting documentation that I had on my flash drive. Those hundred pages were almost exclusively tax returns from 2007 through 2012 and I didn’t print copies of W2s or other supporting documentation.

Really?

As if I wasn’t already annoyed enough, I received the following email from the USCIS case status system:


Application Type: I130, IMMIGRANT PETITION FOR RELATIVE, FIANCE(E), OR ORPHAN

Your Case Status: Initial Review

We transferred your I130, IMMIGRANT PETITION FOR RELATIVE, FIANCE(E), OR ORPHAN, to your local USCIS Office for further processing. The new office has jurisdiction over your case and will send you a decision as soon as processing is complete or you will be notified if further information or action is needed. If you move, please use our Change of Address online tool to update your case with your new address.

If you have questions or concerns about your application or the case status results listed above, or if you have not received a decision from USCIS within the current processing time listed*, please contact USCIS Customer Service at (800) 375-5283.

*Current processing times can be found on the USCIS website at www.uscis.gov under Check Processing Times.

*** Please do not respond to this e-mail message.

Sincerely,

The U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS)

Delay of Game

In effort to give my child summer memories that she will hopefully look back upon fondly, I signed Ashley up for Summer Power and Day Camp through our local YMCA. Summer Power went as expected, she got to go on fieldtrips and made new friends while in a safe environment that was significantly cheaper than Preschool. We did have a few behavioral issues the first few weeks, but I’m hoping that this transition from Preschool to Summer Power will help her make a smooth transition into Kindergarten. I have a meet the teacher and Kindergarten orientation event coming up that I need to be prepared for. I had been watching the advertisements for the last month to see who would offer the best deal on the supplies she is responsible to bring to school on her first day. In the end I still ended up going to Target, and I’m sure that my $20 was well spent. I need to start going through her clothing and weed out the items that are too small and supplement whatever is left with a well-timed shopping trip to Once Upon a Child. I honestly don’t know what I would do without my neighborhood second-hand stores; I only wish they had more selection for women my size.

I swear that if I had the money I would quit my job and make it my mission in life to harass the USCIS into compliance. Our attorney went to an InfoPass appointment earlier this week and was told that our file was in Minnesota for nearly a year before being transferred out to the California Service Center near the end of April. Our file then spent its summer vacation lazing on the beach in the California sun under review where just last week it was referred for a special internal review due to ‘security reasons’. At this time our file is still in California under this special review. If nothing else this appointment served to show that a band of rabid chimpanzees are more organized than the USCIS on a good day.

Monotony

August is really no better than July was for depressing events. Alberto was deported this month last year, his birthday was last week, and I have a baby shower to go to. I’m happy for my cousin, this is her first baby after all, but honestly I thought Ashley would have a little brother or sister on the way by now at the very least. My baby-fever is awful and unfortunately there is no cure that I can partake of when I’m 2000 miles away from my husband. It’s probably not as bad for me as it is for others given that I know I am capable of having children, but still my coworkers are waddling and dammit I want to waddle too!

Ashley’s birthday is just around the corner and I haven’t gotten my plans for her party smoothed out. It never occurred to me just how much of a disadvantage it was to have a birthday in August. She isn’t in Preschool anymore so I don’t have an easy way to contact her friends and the ones I have been able to get ahold of so far are going to be on vacation the weekend that Ashley’s party is set to take place on. I’ve decided that a bowling party would be the best option for this year; the price for the party is per child and includes pizza and pop, 1 hour of bowling, bowling shoes, 1 hour in the party room, and I only have to pay for the kids that show up. Pretty sweet deal if I do say so myself. It makes me sad to know that Ashley will be starting Kindergarten and Alberto is going to miss that milestone too.

Feats of Cognitive Ability

Sometimes I wish I could shut done my brain for a while and just drift. I annoy myself with my inability to wait and see. I had intended to wait the 45 day period that we agreed on before I started emailing everyone again, only to discover I couldn't even wait two weeks. After a record-breaking 10 days of practicing impatience, I emailed Lance pleading for something to do.


To: Lance

I was wondering if there was an Action Plan in place for whatever it is that may (or may not) happen next in regards to our case. It's not easy for me to take a step back when I have been purposefully making a pest of myself, but I believe if I knew the possible outcomes as you perceive them it would be easier for me to let go for a little while.

I need something occupy myself while I am stuck waiting (im)patiently once again, so if you have a list of documents that I should retrieve or some other feats of amazing cognitive ability that need to be performed, please let me know.

I will be seeing my psychiatrist again week after next, so hopefully she can help me locate my mind if I have lost it by then. :)

Deza

CISOMB gracefully backs out

The title of this post says it all doesn’t it?


To: Deza

I heard back from Senator Franken’s Office. They informed me that they have been in touch with the California Service Center (CSC), and the CSC is currently working on locating your husband’s file to address it. As I mentioned in our phone call, when two government offices duplicate a request to CSC it may only cause delays rather than expedite a resolution. Since Senator Franken’s office has already initiated a request to CSC on your behalf, our office will close your inquiry. However, if you find that at some point in the future you need our help, we will be happy to reopen your inquiry and see how we can assist you.

I wish you the best of luck as you work to resolve your husband’s case. Many thanks,
Lara

And then the phone rang...

I very rarely get phone calls, which probably has something to do with my hatred of talking on the phone, so whenever my phone rings I typically let it go to voicemail. This also serves the purpose of allowing me to screen my calls so I can avoid whichever collection agency is trying to contact me. Fools – you can’t collect from someone that doesn’t have any money. The only problem with this practice is my cell phone does not like dialing numbers or allowing me to access my call log; it routinely freezes or force-closes whenever I wish to call someone that is not in my contacts. I’m sure you can imagine the sense of panic I feel when the voicemail of a screened call is so important that I need to call the individual back immediately. Today was one of those times.

My phone rang and I almost answered it. It was a Washington D.C. area code, a fact I was aware of due to my previous experience with the CISOMB office. After a few moments of debate, I decided that letting it go to voicemail is the best course of action. If it was the government, I would be forewarned and if it was some other entity I probably didn’t want to talk to them anyway.

And then I got mad. I got terribly MAD.

Today I received an email from the Customer Assistance Office (CAO) which I believe is in response to the inquiry that I submitted to the CIS Ombudsman (CISOMB) office. The email simply stated that the response to my inquiry was attached, but I felt my heart stop when I saw the title of one of the two attachments. Obviously I opened the attachment titled “MENDEZ_DENIAL_NOTICE” first because I needed to know what the denial was in regards to. I was beyond relieved when I saw that it was nothing more than a copy of the original notice we received back in July 2012, so I opened the second attachment to see what response the government sent me that required a copy of the denial notice. The letter read something like this:

Answer more confusing than the question

Our request for assistance from the CIS Ombudsman Office has served to confuse me more about immigration and the logic that is not employed by the government in general. I received the first response on Tuesday of this week, in the form of an email requesting a signature to authorize their pursuit of information. The email did not actually have the form that needed to be signed attached so I found in on their website, signed, scanned, and emailed the completed document back within the hour. Thinking that my portion was done, I thought to myself that I would be lucky to hear back before I leave for Mexico and moved on to my mountain of paperwork.

The next day I had another email waiting patiently for me in my inbox. This email explained that it was not my signature that they required, but that of the 'applicant' who will be referred to henceforth as my husband. In a state of extreme agitation, I forwarded the email to our attorney Lance. He responded quickly that they should not need Alberto's signature as we are inquiring on the status of the I-130 petition and not of the I-601 waiver as they had mentioned in their email. With this response in hand I emailed the CIS Ombudsman office that we needed help with the I-130 and not the I-601. Within minutes my phone was ringing. A little bewildered, I answered to discover it was the assistance of the individual that I had just emailed in the CIS Ombudsman office. They were already calling me about the email I sent not 5 minutes ago? She said that her supervisor had told her to call me and explain that it was not the I-130 petition that was 'holding up the process', but rather they were adjudicating of the I-601 waiver. Since they needed to check the status of the waiver, I needed Alberto's signature. I said I would do my very best to obtain his signature in the week they were giving me, and that was the end of the conversation.

CIS Ombudsman Office

I have felt hopeless in the past and turned to other channels for assistance but I am at my wits end.  I asked our attorney if there was any agency with whom I could lodge a complaint against the USCIS.  I know there isn’t much chance that anyone would listen, but I need to make my voice heard if only for a moment. 

Lance responded immediately with the information for the CIS Ombudsman office and said ‘go nuts’ which I suppose was meant to be encouraging.  I am on the verge of displaying my wounded soul to yet another government entity which may or may not be able to do anything to help us.  I feel my optimism is slipping through my fingers like so many grains of sand, taking what little hope I have left with it. 

How much more of this can my battle-scared heart endure before I’m too far gone to ever be happy again?

Ciao

Sick and Tired

I truly believe that a pack of wild monkeys could run USCIS better than the powers that be.  So far this year we were told our file was sent to Consulate in Cuidad Juarez for processing, then that it was received by the National Visa Center which didn’t make any sense at all.  Today may actually take the cake in regards to baffling behavior; we’ve only just learned that the National Visa Center sent our file to the California Service Center to review the approved I-130 petition.  I’ll let you read the emails I received today...

Open Petition

I know that my story is sad, but our situation is by no means the worst.  Please consider, dear readers, signing this petition to bring attention to those living in exile to keep their family together.  The families are suffering from lack of proper medical care, the children are receiving inadequate education, and the places they live in are often not safe.

I don't want to join the ranks of the hundreds of expatirates that went before me.  I don't want my daughter to suffer in an unstable and unsafe environment.  I don't want to make a choice between buying food and seeing a doctor or my child's education.

Please sign and share this petition:  Bring Home American Families in Exile

We're counting on everyone.  Please help us.  Action for Family Unity


Ciao

Open Enrollment

Today I received paperwork to enroll Ashley in Kindergarten.  I was excited, then sad, and now I'm just a mess.  I'm just so angry and depressed that I want to hide in my room for the next week and a half.  Alberto has missed out on every single milestone in the life of our daughter; her first smile, haircut, tooth, steps, day of preschool...  EVERY.  SINGLE.  MILESTONE.  Now I get to enroll her in kindergarten, alone, as I have been every other time something big has happened.  So today I feel bitter, and no quantity of sugar-coated Hallmark sympathy cards from Wal-Mart is going to change that.

Cloud 9 3/4

Today is the first day this month that I feel optimistic.  Even reflecting on the awfulness of ‘shitstorm Tuesday’ doesn’t bring me down from my perch on cloud nine.  It all started with an email… from Diana.

From: Diana

To: Deza

Hi Deza,

I received notice from our liaison today that the file was sent to the National Visa Center this week.  It usually takes 2-3 weeks for the NVC to receive the file and load it into their system.  I will follow up next week with the NVC and keep you posted.

Thanks,

Diana

That three sentence email made up for everything that’s happened in the last 2 months.  I feel hopeful again for the first time in a long time, and I’ll be praying every night that I can finally bring my husband home.  Please please please…

“In all things it is better to hope than to despair.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Ciao

Progress stands still

It's been a while dear readers; I haven't had time to write lately.  I plan on trying to get some of my partial posts finished so I can fill everyone in the changes that have taken place.  The largest change so far is the news that my brother John is moving back home in less than 3 weeks due to foreclosure.  At this point we’re all grateful there is enough, albeit barely, room for everyone in my parent’s house.  John and Carol have three children; Kay is 7, Michael is almost 2, and Trevor is 6 months old.  Ashley will be sharing a room with Kay, I am fervently praying that someone will have mercy on me and keep the fights to a minimum (no blood please).  Michael and Trevor were already sharing a room so at least we know there shouldn’t be any real trouble there.  I am being displaced to a much smaller room upstairs and have to downsize my possessions or arrange for off-site storage accordingly.  I had to talk to Alberto about it already because there are a few things I still have of his here in Minnesota that I would have nowhere to store.  The weight bench in particular is a thorny issue since it was a Christmas present, but if it needs to go I guess it needs to go.

Another change is the addition on a second income.  I now work at FedEx Ground between 3 and 7 am Tuesday-Friday.  It's easy enough work, but I wish I could carry mace on my shift.  In a word; creepers.  My co-workers are either good people in need of extra income for whatever reason, or straight creepers.  I think I can handle it through the holidays, which is the point or there simply won't be any presents for Christmas.  I am short about $500 for the waiver filing fees (never again will I buy a @^$#ing Jetta) and if I don't work at FedEx I'll never be able to bring Alberto home.  My carrot on a stick is a pair of roundtrip tickets to Mexico so I can see my husband before my 28th birthday.  I really want to see him again without being on the other side of a glass partition.

Currently our case is stalled while the government retrieves our file from storage. Lance sent me a stern email after I told him I was in contact with Diana in the Senator’s office and she had given me a different status than what the USCIS told him at the infopass.  He said that too many people making inquiries can stall or even stop all progress.  The next day I was told to let Diana keep plugging away with the government because she was getting her information ahead of Lance.  It appears that Lance was suffering from selective hearing when he had the appointment with USCIS; the guy could have said NRC instead of NVC.  Our file is going to be traveling again soon enough, and with all due haste.  We need the visa interview and denial so we can submit the waivers. 

“I got nothing.”

Deza

Ciao

A Fashion Brief

There is a page on Facebook for just about every collection of people imaginable.  I love how social media has given people the chance to gather and offer support with hundreds or even thousands of miles between them.  The group that has helped me the most in the last year is for people enduring the I-601 (Application for Waiver of Grounds of Inadmissibility) process.  We talk about our hopes and fears knowing that the other people in the group have the ability to understand what we are going through.

I need to be able to talk to someone about how I can’t buy the new shoes that Liliana so desperately needs, without some idiotic response about how they simply can’t buy a new iPad until next week because they’re totally tapped out.  I mean how does the fact that my daughter needs shoes because the old pair finally fell to pieces have to do with your sudden longing for a new iPad?  Maybe I want an iPad too, but I know the difference between wanting something and needing something.

It’s important that I don’t have to explain why I live with my parents and can’t get any state or federal assistance.  We all need someone to lean on that will not make a snap judgment based on what their father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate had to say last Tuesday after such-and-such Politian voiced their opinion on something which they interpreted as gospel.

I was having a horrible day when I tuned into my Facebook support group.  The conversations were interesting, but there was one in particular that caught my attention.  One of the ladies had been looking at the NAMUS website and posed a question to the group about Hispanic men and their apparent love of fashion bikini briefs.  That observation was the start of one of the most entertaining conversations I ever participated in and it pulled me out of my dark mood like nothing else had been able to.  We spoke of plain, colorful, and animal print bikini briefs (particularly the zebra prints bikinis worn by an ‘acquaintance’ of one of the group member from back before she was married).  We debated the reason for the bikini briefs and discovered another thing we all had in common; the introduction of boxer shorts into our men’s wardrobe.  There were several points during that discussion where I laughed until I had tears streaming from my eyes!

I truly appreciate each and every one of you, the I-601 ladies.  I hope that zebra print will live on and make us all smile on our darkest days.

“I asked the Zebra,
are you black with white stripes?
Or white with black stripes?
And the zebra asked me,
Are you good with bad habits?
Or are you bad with good habits?
Are you noisy with quiet times?
Or are you quiet with noisy times?
Are you happy with some sad days?
Or are you sad with some happy days?
Are you neat with some sloppy ways?
Or are you sloppy with some neat ways?
And on and on and on and on and on and on he went.
I’ll never ask a zebra about stripes...again.”

― Shel Silverstein “The Zebra Question”

Ciao