The Death Knell of my Nonprofit Career

It’s not often that I am completely caught off guard, but this definitely took me by surprise.  It was a normal Thursday, a little chilly compared to the rest of the week, but still good bubble weather.  I stopped at Target on my way in (as I do about once a week) since my friend Bella was in dire need of caffeine, and since I needed snacks for my drawer it was no hardship.  I got my desk in order and promptly dove into the large stack of financial aid applications.  In retrospect there were a few things that should have tipped me off that something was not right.

I suppose I need to provide a little bit of background information.  I worked for a non-profit organization that works in conjunction with other organizations to strengthen and build communities.  Every employee and volunteer needs to pass a criminal background check since our organization works with children and potentially sensitive information.  My last few weeks have been occupied by processing mounds of financial aid application, and hundreds of product request forms.  I had been sending out emails by the hundreds, asking for additional information in order to process the applications, and I began getting responses in the beginning of June.

 

Hold your vote

I have had no less than two fights with my husband this week, about two completely different things. The first argument was after his visa appointment; when he went to the consulate they told him that he needed to pay for the appointment and bring all the appropriate documents with him. He accused me at the top of his lungs of not telling him to bring the documents I sent nor did I mention he would have to pay for the appointment. It says in the last six or seven messages I sent him before the interview that he needed to print all the attachments to bring with him and that the money was in the account to pay the $230 appointment fee. It was a pointless argument since he retrieved the paperwork and they allowed him to interview later that afternoon (thank God). Thankfully Alberto is not one to stay angry very long and Lord knows I can't stay made at him because he is, after all, just a man.

The second argument was in regards to our darling daughter Ashley. She was in class when she took a pair of scissors and began cutting her hair. Since to the best of my knowledge they do not cover hair-styling 101 in Kindergarten these days, she was caught and the teacher emailed me about the incident. There was a picture of the small pile of hair under a chair as well as a picture of Ashley herself with the most hangdog expression you could ever imagine. Since this was just an interesting point in a child's life, I posted the story on my Facebook page with the pictures her teacher had sent me.

Denied the Rainbow

It's so difficult to continue living when what you want most is only just beyond your reach. Naturally I am talking about my afternoon craving for skittles and the demonic vending machine that refused to dispense them after gleefully accepting my dollar. My afternoon without skittles was horrifically long and devoid of sweetness. It is cruel and unusual punishment to be denied the rainbow when you are a sugar fiend like me.

I've just completed what may be the most pant-shittingly terrifying thing I’ve done in recent history. I officially dropped health insurance coverage through the non-profit I work for to take advantage of ACA (aka Obamacare). I will save over $400 a month on premiums and will have a yearend savings of approximately $5000. The only thought I had while I was reviewing the numbers before purchasing my policy was, if only Alberto were home that money could go towards the purchase of a newer car. I dream endlessly of owning a new car; a vehicle that only I have driven daily and the history of which is not the great unknown. I’m tired of my Volkswagen, even though I do have to admit it has held up well despite all the abuse and neglect it receives from me. That fact does not make me hate Hans any less. Hans is my Volkswagen; it’s only fitting that I would give it a German name and a name that is associated with the villain of one of my favorite action films - Die Hard.

Really?

As if I wasn’t already annoyed enough, I received the following email from the USCIS case status system:


Application Type: I130, IMMIGRANT PETITION FOR RELATIVE, FIANCE(E), OR ORPHAN

Your Case Status: Initial Review

We transferred your I130, IMMIGRANT PETITION FOR RELATIVE, FIANCE(E), OR ORPHAN, to your local USCIS Office for further processing. The new office has jurisdiction over your case and will send you a decision as soon as processing is complete or you will be notified if further information or action is needed. If you move, please use our Change of Address online tool to update your case with your new address.

If you have questions or concerns about your application or the case status results listed above, or if you have not received a decision from USCIS within the current processing time listed*, please contact USCIS Customer Service at (800) 375-5283.

*Current processing times can be found on the USCIS website at www.uscis.gov under Check Processing Times.

*** Please do not respond to this e-mail message.

Sincerely,

The U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS)

Monotony

August is really no better than July was for depressing events. Alberto was deported this month last year, his birthday was last week, and I have a baby shower to go to. I’m happy for my cousin, this is her first baby after all, but honestly I thought Ashley would have a little brother or sister on the way by now at the very least. My baby-fever is awful and unfortunately there is no cure that I can partake of when I’m 2000 miles away from my husband. It’s probably not as bad for me as it is for others given that I know I am capable of having children, but still my coworkers are waddling and dammit I want to waddle too!

Ashley’s birthday is just around the corner and I haven’t gotten my plans for her party smoothed out. It never occurred to me just how much of a disadvantage it was to have a birthday in August. She isn’t in Preschool anymore so I don’t have an easy way to contact her friends and the ones I have been able to get ahold of so far are going to be on vacation the weekend that Ashley’s party is set to take place on. I’ve decided that a bowling party would be the best option for this year; the price for the party is per child and includes pizza and pop, 1 hour of bowling, bowling shoes, 1 hour in the party room, and I only have to pay for the kids that show up. Pretty sweet deal if I do say so myself. It makes me sad to know that Ashley will be starting Kindergarten and Alberto is going to miss that milestone too.

Feats of Cognitive Ability

Sometimes I wish I could shut done my brain for a while and just drift. I annoy myself with my inability to wait and see. I had intended to wait the 45 day period that we agreed on before I started emailing everyone again, only to discover I couldn't even wait two weeks. After a record-breaking 10 days of practicing impatience, I emailed Lance pleading for something to do.


To: Lance

I was wondering if there was an Action Plan in place for whatever it is that may (or may not) happen next in regards to our case. It's not easy for me to take a step back when I have been purposefully making a pest of myself, but I believe if I knew the possible outcomes as you perceive them it would be easier for me to let go for a little while.

I need something occupy myself while I am stuck waiting (im)patiently once again, so if you have a list of documents that I should retrieve or some other feats of amazing cognitive ability that need to be performed, please let me know.

I will be seeing my psychiatrist again week after next, so hopefully she can help me locate my mind if I have lost it by then. :)

Deza

CISOMB gracefully backs out

The title of this post says it all doesn’t it?


To: Deza

I heard back from Senator Franken’s Office. They informed me that they have been in touch with the California Service Center (CSC), and the CSC is currently working on locating your husband’s file to address it. As I mentioned in our phone call, when two government offices duplicate a request to CSC it may only cause delays rather than expedite a resolution. Since Senator Franken’s office has already initiated a request to CSC on your behalf, our office will close your inquiry. However, if you find that at some point in the future you need our help, we will be happy to reopen your inquiry and see how we can assist you.

I wish you the best of luck as you work to resolve your husband’s case. Many thanks,
Lara

Feather in the Wind

Today is June 18th, or exactly one month until the one year anniversary of our waiver denial, which is also known as the worst day of my life.  It's times like this when I wonder if there are really 'signs everywhere', and I'm just too deep into survival mode to see them.  Nothing has happened for weeks in regards to anything.  Alberto has been making noises about beginning the process of moving to Mexico to be a family again, and I've been thinking about it.  I get angry when people on the outside of the situation insist it would be a grand adventure to live abroad, because they are stuck looking at an international move as a 'perpetual vacation' instead of a logistics nightmare.  There is so much to think about and do before I can pack a single box and my head is swimming with questions like:         Will Alberto's business be enough to support the family?  Will I need a visa and how much will it cost?  Will Ashley need some special paperwork to go to school?  What the hell will I do with myself all day if I'm not working and am too afraid to leave the house on my own?  What will happen if Ashley gets sick?  Will I have access to mental health care?  What about when I get pregnant?  Will I have to resign to suffer from stomach ailments and diarrhea for the rest of my natural life because I can't handle all the grease and oil the food is cooked in?!?!

And then I got mad. I got terribly MAD.

Today I received an email from the Customer Assistance Office (CAO) which I believe is in response to the inquiry that I submitted to the CIS Ombudsman (CISOMB) office. The email simply stated that the response to my inquiry was attached, but I felt my heart stop when I saw the title of one of the two attachments. Obviously I opened the attachment titled “MENDEZ_DENIAL_NOTICE” first because I needed to know what the denial was in regards to. I was beyond relieved when I saw that it was nothing more than a copy of the original notice we received back in July 2012, so I opened the second attachment to see what response the government sent me that required a copy of the denial notice. The letter read something like this:

RIP George

Our first weekend in Mexico was nothing it not eventful.  Alberto made sure to warn me that we would be getting up very early in the morning because we stayed the night in Mexico City instead of driving straight to his mother's house from the airport as he'd planned.  When the alarm went off at 5 am I awoke to find myself more or less pinned to the bed by my snoring yet adorable husband.  I can't remember the last time I slept in a twin-sized bed but thankfully having less space makes it harder to be a bed hog.  I remember many nights where I would wake up clinging to the edge of our full size bed to keep from falling off, and having to wrench the blankets away from Alberto so I wouldn't become an ice cube by morning.

I kissed my husband lightly on the cheek and snuggled closer to prolong the simple pleasure of waking up with the man I love.  He stretched as he woke and I saw the moment when he realized that I was really there lying in bed with him.  A beautiful smile of contentment spread across his face and mirrored my own smile.  We looked over at Ashley who was still out cold on the couch and I had to chuckle at the look on Alberto face.  The best way to describe how Ashley sleeps is to think of the child pose in yoga, which is very comfortable and all that but I don't think I could sleep on my face all night.  We decided to leave Ashley in her pajamas and let her sleep during the trip.  It was time to get up and dressed so we could load my suitcases into the van.

Escape to Paradise

I’ve filed my 2012 tax return so hopefully my refund will find its way to the bank soon although the IRS apparently doesn’t start looking at returns until Wednesday.  I can’t wait to buy my tickets, it’s been so long since I’ve seen my husband it’s almost more than I can bear.  I found something cool this weekend at Target that we can use for Ashley to sleep on in Mexico since we won’t have a bed for her.  It’s called an EZ bed, and it’s basically an air mattress with a fitted sheet that has a comforter attached to it.  It has horrible reviews, but as long as the thing holds air for 2 weeks it’ll have been well worth the $15 bucks I spent.  It’s really kind of cute.

Good Day/Bad Day Routine

I hate to say it but this whole good day/bad day routine is getting old really fast.  One day will be really good and many good things will happen, the next day an equal amount of bad things will happen and make me want to cry.  Today has been a bad day.  This morning my car attempted to go on strike by almost not starting, but it gave in to my demands easily.  I managed to get Ashley to Preschool without incident and make my way to work.  Since my headlights come on automatically the only reason I use the switch is to see my gauges on the dashboard.  Since in the past two years I have required a jump-start approximately five times, I try my hardest to check the status of my headlight each and every time I get out of the car.  My car, a German import that inspires an episode of rage each time I think of how much I’ve spent keeping it running, does not have a signal indicating that you left the lights on.  So you see I need to think about it as I get out of the car which can be difficult when it’s no longer dark enough to need my lights when I pull into the parking lot.

I’m sure you guessed by now that I left my headlights on and drained my battery today.  My battery was dead with not enough juice to use my remote to unlock the doors, so I went back inside and got the only supervisor who was still in the building. She came outside with me and we got down to the business getting my car started, but unfortunately her car just wasn't warm enough to jump-start my car in the balmy 11 degree (fahrenheit) weather we enjoy during the winter here on the frozen tundra.  Defeated by the dastardly car battery, I went back in the building to call my mom for help.  We have a new group of cleaners in our building, so when one of them heard about my problem, they offered to use their van to try jumping my car.  We went outside and got the vehicles hooked up, at which point I apparently set my keys on the driver’s side seat and shut the door.  My car has a ‘feature’ where if you use the fob to unlock your car, the doors will relock after 30 seconds.  This irritates me to no end because I have left my door open to run back in the house for my lunch bag, the doors relocked, I got back in the car without thinking about it and had the alarm blaring when I turned the key in the ignition.

Business as usual

My husband has never been content with the status quo. It has been four months since Alberto left the United States with his brand new outlook on life. In that time he has gotten a job, fixed his car, and he is now buying an established business. He is determined to buy the creamery where he works from his boss despite the fact we don’t have the money to pay upfront. I asked him what he planned to do with the business if the waiver was approved and he said that this business would provide a way of life for his family. I don't know what other people might think but to me it seems like a win-win situation.  If worst comes to worst it would mean that we should have at least one income to help us survive in Mexico until we know what we're going to do next.  It’s almost a relief to know that we have at least one thing we can fall back on.

This living situation is driving me insane!  Carol is the single most disorganized person I have ever met, which is pretty bad coming from someone that more often than not cannot find a pair of socks that match. I haven’t been able to get to bed on time since they moved in and I’m not sure how much longer I can take it.  I‘ve told Carol that I have about 4 1/2 hours in which I can sleep Tuesday through Saturday; it is extremely important that I am able to get to bed by 9 o’clock because the less sleep I get, the less civilized I am.  I haven’t been able to get to bed before 10 pm because of the shenanigans.  I have been in a bad mood for over a week already and unfortunately I don’t anticipate this ending anytime soon.  Ashley will not go to bed if Kay is not in bed, and I can’t go to bed if Ashley is still up being the responsible adult that I am.

He who shall not be named

I don’t want to talk about what happened in Connecticut last Friday.  I feel like the media has covered the matter in way too much detail as it is.  Truth be told, I want to complain about the media coverage.  They were interviewing children as they came out of the school building for crying out loud and posting pictures of them sobbing while walking away from the school with their hands on the shoulders of the child in front of them!  We knew the name of that individual before we heard the names of any of the victims.  Those that were on Facebook saw the creation of what seemed like 600 new pages/profiles devoted to the name the media gave out first, who turned out to be the shooter’s brother.  This sick individual became a celebrity the moment the first shot was fired, even if it was only because of the hate and rage at their actions.

When you look at the reaction of the public, everything has degenerated into a flame war.  Some want to increase gun control laws.  Others say that arming teachers is the answer and best way to keep our children safe.  The arguments are broken down into factions: gun enthusiasts, gun control seekers, atheists, über-religious, and the parents like me that are at a complete loss of words.  I don’t know that more gun control laws would make much of a difference; someone that is bound and determined to wreak havoc will find a way.  When it comes to religion, stay out of this type of situation completely.  Lack of religion in our schools did NOT cause this.  The remarks about the children receiving the best gift possible for Christmas, meeting Jesus, were completely insensitive and inappropriate in my eyes.  The comments stating this *proves* that religion is nothing more than the opiate of the masses is equally insensitive. 

#$^%ing Tuesdays

You know how I hate Mondays right?  Well, I loathe Tuesdays with every ounce of my being because anything bad that could happen will happen on a Tuesday.  Murphy’s Law is the guiding principle on a (tues)day in the life of Deza.  That’s why I try to move through the day pretending it’s either Monday or Wednesday; if I don’t think Tuesday thoughts, I might make it out unscathed.  This Tuesday I was not so successful.

At FedEx this morning I managed to take a 30 pound box to the head, with the corner of said box missing my right eye by a matter of inches.  I may develop a shiner yet, but if I do it’ll be so pitiful that people will think it’s a makeup malfunction.  Even if I managed to get a black eye everyone who knows me would assume there was a mildly amusing story behind it since Deza isn't the sort of person that gets into fist fights or bar brawls.  The most impressive bruise I’ve had to date was a rather detailed rendition of a tire tread on my thigh, which was refreshing since I actually knew what would have caused that particular contusion when typically I have no clue how the injury occurred.  Normally I put it down to the fact that I’m hilariously uncoordinated and have the unique ability to trip on a line drawn with chalk on the ground.

Progress stands still

It's been a while dear readers; I haven't had time to write lately.  I plan on trying to get some of my partial posts finished so I can fill everyone in the changes that have taken place.  The largest change so far is the news that my brother John is moving back home in less than 3 weeks due to foreclosure.  At this point we’re all grateful there is enough, albeit barely, room for everyone in my parent’s house.  John and Carol have three children; Kay is 7, Michael is almost 2, and Trevor is 6 months old.  Ashley will be sharing a room with Kay, I am fervently praying that someone will have mercy on me and keep the fights to a minimum (no blood please).  Michael and Trevor were already sharing a room so at least we know there shouldn’t be any real trouble there.  I am being displaced to a much smaller room upstairs and have to downsize my possessions or arrange for off-site storage accordingly.  I had to talk to Alberto about it already because there are a few things I still have of his here in Minnesota that I would have nowhere to store.  The weight bench in particular is a thorny issue since it was a Christmas present, but if it needs to go I guess it needs to go.

Another change is the addition on a second income.  I now work at FedEx Ground between 3 and 7 am Tuesday-Friday.  It's easy enough work, but I wish I could carry mace on my shift.  In a word; creepers.  My co-workers are either good people in need of extra income for whatever reason, or straight creepers.  I think I can handle it through the holidays, which is the point or there simply won't be any presents for Christmas.  I am short about $500 for the waiver filing fees (never again will I buy a @^$#ing Jetta) and if I don't work at FedEx I'll never be able to bring Alberto home.  My carrot on a stick is a pair of roundtrip tickets to Mexico so I can see my husband before my 28th birthday.  I really want to see him again without being on the other side of a glass partition.

Currently our case is stalled while the government retrieves our file from storage. Lance sent me a stern email after I told him I was in contact with Diana in the Senator’s office and she had given me a different status than what the USCIS told him at the infopass.  He said that too many people making inquiries can stall or even stop all progress.  The next day I was told to let Diana keep plugging away with the government because she was getting her information ahead of Lance.  It appears that Lance was suffering from selective hearing when he had the appointment with USCIS; the guy could have said NRC instead of NVC.  Our file is going to be traveling again soon enough, and with all due haste.  We need the visa interview and denial so we can submit the waivers. 

“I got nothing.”

Deza

Ciao

F13

I woke up late, which just sucked because I needed to wash my hair.  I forgot to put my work clothes in the dryer last night, and just about everything I had was in the washer.  So I dried one outfit while I shower, and when I got dressed, the zipper on my pants broke.  The little tab thingy just came off!  No big deal right?  Wrong – this is the one pair of pants that had to sew a lingerie hook to attach the zipper since it will not stay up!  I threw another pair of pants in the dryer, and when to see if I had something else I could wear.  I decided to wear my dress with leggings, but wait a second, where is the camisole that I need to wear under it?  Luckily the pants were dry enough to wear by this time but I couldn’t find a clean work shirt.  I grabbed one from the hamper and went to get Ashley out of bed.

Ashley is not a morning person, just like her Mamí.  I forced her out of bed and made her get dressed.  She sat at the kitchen table with a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast while I made her lunch.  Typically she eats breakfast at preschool, but I was running horribly late.  I couldn’t seem find her shoes anywhere and as soon as they were pulled out from under the couch she needed to go potty.  I had about 1 foot out the door when I remembered she needed a towel and swimsuit for sprinkler day.  I finally got her to school only to discover I forgot her water bottle and so I went all the way home to get it.  I got home and checked every single cabinet plus the dishwasher, but it was nowhere to be found.  I filled up one of mine and brought it back to school for her.

I bite my thumb at you, sir

Brian pisses me off.  I hardly have words to describe the anger the man is capable of generating in me.  It would have been an ugly thing if I had run into him today after the newest outrage.  I swear that if I had the means, I would fire this clown in a heartbeat.

 

It all started last week when the hearing regarding our motion to contest restitution was rescheduled AGAIN, because the Writ was not served in enough time.  I gather the counties only require a few days’ notice to transfer a detainee, whereas immigration needs a minimum of 2 weeks to process such a request.  Brian forwarded me a series of email between himself, the prosecutor, and the clerk of court as they went back and forth setting a new date.  Brian requested June 7th at 2:45 pm, which was fine with the prosecutor, however the Judge was in trial at that time so the clerk offered several different times on the same day.  Maybe I’ll just let you read parts of the email change so you can see why they irritate me so.  It starts from the most recent and ends with the forwarded email chain.

‘Get Out of Relationship Free’ Card

I know my mother-in-law doesn’t necessarily talk to me about the family issues, but I really don’t like being taken by surprise by problems.  My husband asked me if I knew why Dacia left her boyfriend and said that he was told there had been abuse within the relationship.  Now I know Dacia’s father Ignacio has been abusive to my sister-in-law and Dacia has pleaded with her mother to leave him before, so I was surprised to hear this.  I promised I would find out what I could and tell him what I’d learned at our next visit.  I talked to my mother-in-law and she told me that Roberto had hit Dacia several times and even cut her once with a razor when they had been fighting.  I was shocked, but the only other thing Gisela could tell me is that Dacia’s father told her to come to Mexico with Junior.

As luck would have it, Dacia decided to visit her uncle today so I had the opportunity to speak with her alone.  I didn’t ask her about the situation on our way to the jail, but instead used what she said to Alberto during the visit as the foundation for my own questions.  She asked me about traveling to Mexico and what Junior would need to fly, or to cross the border in a car.  She wouldn’t be able to fly to Mexico with Junior if he didn’t have a passport, but they could cross the border in a vehicle as long as she had a certified copy of his birth certificate.  I told her it was in her best interest to apply for Junior’s passport and postpone traveling until she had it, but that apparently is not an option.  It’s something she needs to take care of as soon as possible or Junior will have trouble getting one in the future if the USCIS decides to claim he stole someone else’s identity.  I asked her why she was leaving all of a sudden and she told me she did something stupid; she went out with another guy.  I asked if the relationship could be fixed or was Roberto abusive.  She told me Roberto wants her to come back to him, but she doesn’t want to be with him anymore because he’s too jealous.  She stated that he wasn’t abusive to her or their son; she just didn’t want to deal with his jealousies anymore.  She sheepishly told me that she wove a story for her Abuelita about abuse because she was afraid that Gisela wouldn’t let her come home if she knew the truth.  I said something about the fact that Roberto is a Mexican/Chicano male, implying that she should’ve known he would be somewhat jealous.  Alberto was the same way when he was Roberto’s age, that’s why I quit working at McDonalds – we were fighting all the time over stupid things.

Monday is stalking me...

Last week was busy at work which helped me get my mind off of the deplorable behavior and general attitude of the DHS.  I refuse to dedicate every waking minute of my life to loathing them; it would give them too much power.  Ashley has been sick so I’m getting less sleep than normal, which amounts to about 4 hours a night if that.  I much prefer insomnia to sleeping too much, but it seems I may never find a happy middle ground.

On Tuesday I won a raffle at work for 4 free tickets to Disney on Ice.  I was happy to have won them, but they were for Thursday evening which would mean I’d have to skip my visit with Alberto that day.  At least I had the opportunity to tell Alberto in person on Tuesday, since he hardly ever calls me.  Since I had 4 tickets, I invited my mom and my niece to join Ashley and me.  I figured my poor sister-in-law would be too exhausted to enjoy the show since she is 6 months pregnant with her third child.  I really enjoyed the show and so did the girls. Our seats were awesome; we were on the lower level and 13 rows from the stage.  I definitely want to go again next year, so I better start saving now. 

‘Gourmet’ hot dog dinner - $30, cotton candy - $12, 2 t-shirts - $40, popcorn - $10, Rapunzel doll - $30, Rapunzel hair set - $16, parking - $5, listening to your child exclaim, “Mamí! Mamí!  Look at the princesses!  So pretty!” – priceless.  There are some things money can’t buy.  For everything else there’s a lifetime of debt on a high interest credit card. 

Seriously, that’s almost a $150 for a couple of lukewarm hot dogs that the girls wouldn’t even eat and a few souvenirs!  Yes, it was a cool show and we all enjoyed it, but how much would it have cost us if we’d bought the tickets too?  I shudder just thinking about it.