Remember When

I was driving on the same route I take to my full-time job Monday through Friday when I was assaulted by memories.  It was so painful that I thought about filing charges, but the police would think I've lost my mind.  I've driven that same stretch of highway so many times since Alberto left that I couldn't possibly count.  The memory itself was probably triggered by the fact something appears to be wrong with my car yet again, big surprise, but the incident that came to mind is from about 7 years ago...

Radio Silence

I hate Mondays, but I’m sure by now I’ve made that perfectly clear. Today I’ve made an important decision; in order to preserve my sanity, I’m going to work my frustration off. I’m going to stick to my program (Couch to 5k) and make it work. I’m going to be sensible about my diet and simply avoid sugary snacks/drinks while adhering to a single serving on a modestly sized plate. Most importantly I’m going to practice a form of radio-silence and not discuss it on the Facebook page that my husband sees. I’m going to be quite sneaky about it and hide my shape whenever I see my in-laws, although my face and neck are a giveaway because they get more defined as I lose pounds. Why you ask? Well it’s because I’m going to be selfish for once. I want to see his jaw drop when I go to Mexico in February. I’ve never had the body of a model, but I’m going to have the best body I can manage.

The first week of the program started on December 4th and I discovered that I can handle it. Sure I was wiped out for an hour afterwards and that first day I was so tired, but the next day I felt better. I didn’t have any breathing problems (suck it exercise-induced asthma!) and I wasn’t wobbly from working harder than usual. I think I would have been setting myself up for failure had I not been working out 3 times a week on the machines at work. This program is set up to be 3 times a week for 7 weeks, so we’ll see just how well I progress. I’m not afraid to repeat a week if I think I need more time to get used to the jogging before advancing.

Allergic Allegory

I have known for many years that I suffer from seasonal allergies, so it must have been some desire for suffering that compelled me to get retested this year.  I was last tested in the summer of 2007.  I remember the two weeks prior to that appointment as pure torture since in order test allergic reactions, a person must go 14 days without allergy medication.  Do you know what it’s like to have random people ask you if you are ‘really sick’ or need ‘help’ constantly?  I swear that everyone within a 5 mile radius either thought I had some disease or was on drugs due to my continuously bloodshot eyes.  I’m glad I warned HR and my supervisor ahead of time otherwise they might have staged an intervention.  It’s called seasonal allergies people; I’m not deathly ill so please simmer down.

This morning was the test, and honestly the days before the test were not as bad as I remembered from last time.  Truthfully, I haven’t had a bad allergy season since my darling daughter was born and the results of my test reflected greatly reduced or non-existent reactions.  My allergens include dust mites, mold, some grasses, various farm animals, and evil incarnate.

The one true evil in this world has a name:  Felis Catus, aka Mittens, Milo, Jinx, Garfield, or the domesticated CAT.  They always know me for what I am, an allergy sufferer, and they delight in provoking a reaction.  I avoid the shedding devils at every opportunity, however I cannot escape them.  They have turned many of my poor family members into mere servants, catering to their every want and need.  They have exiled me from many homes as I cannot breathe in the presence of pure evil.  Today I was issued a challenge to face my tormentor with the help of a common steroid inhaler to combat inflammation of the lungs.  My other option is to visit those houses in an anti-histamine fueled haze in which I behave like a doped up stoner.

I believe I am ready for the next confrontation with the enemy.  The battlefield is yet undecided but the day is an often celebrated holiday known as Christmas.  Someone in the family is hosting Christmas, and all but one household harbors at least one slinking dander farm.

Bring it on kitty… I got this.

Excerpts from a Pet's Diary

Ciao

A Fashion Brief

There is a page on Facebook for just about every collection of people imaginable.  I love how social media has given people the chance to gather and offer support with hundreds or even thousands of miles between them.  The group that has helped me the most in the last year is for people enduring the I-601 (Application for Waiver of Grounds of Inadmissibility) process.  We talk about our hopes and fears knowing that the other people in the group have the ability to understand what we are going through.

I need to be able to talk to someone about how I can’t buy the new shoes that Liliana so desperately needs, without some idiotic response about how they simply can’t buy a new iPad until next week because they’re totally tapped out.  I mean how does the fact that my daughter needs shoes because the old pair finally fell to pieces have to do with your sudden longing for a new iPad?  Maybe I want an iPad too, but I know the difference between wanting something and needing something.

It’s important that I don’t have to explain why I live with my parents and can’t get any state or federal assistance.  We all need someone to lean on that will not make a snap judgment based on what their father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate had to say last Tuesday after such-and-such Politian voiced their opinion on something which they interpreted as gospel.

I was having a horrible day when I tuned into my Facebook support group.  The conversations were interesting, but there was one in particular that caught my attention.  One of the ladies had been looking at the NAMUS website and posed a question to the group about Hispanic men and their apparent love of fashion bikini briefs.  That observation was the start of one of the most entertaining conversations I ever participated in and it pulled me out of my dark mood like nothing else had been able to.  We spoke of plain, colorful, and animal print bikini briefs (particularly the zebra prints bikinis worn by an ‘acquaintance’ of one of the group member from back before she was married).  We debated the reason for the bikini briefs and discovered another thing we all had in common; the introduction of boxer shorts into our men’s wardrobe.  There were several points during that discussion where I laughed until I had tears streaming from my eyes!

I truly appreciate each and every one of you, the I-601 ladies.  I hope that zebra print will live on and make us all smile on our darkest days.

“I asked the Zebra,
are you black with white stripes?
Or white with black stripes?
And the zebra asked me,
Are you good with bad habits?
Or are you bad with good habits?
Are you noisy with quiet times?
Or are you quiet with noisy times?
Are you happy with some sad days?
Or are you sad with some happy days?
Are you neat with some sloppy ways?
Or are you sloppy with some neat ways?
And on and on and on and on and on and on he went.
I’ll never ask a zebra about stripes...again.”

― Shel Silverstein “The Zebra Question”

Ciao

Pins and Needles

Today is the day I talk about my newest obsession: PINTEREST!  I was introduced to this addictive website by a coworker almost a year ago, but I never actually took the time to look at the site until recently.  I was in need of a distraction, which Pinterest most definitely is.  I have pinned more projects than I will probably ever be able to complete!  I really think pinning is the best part, although some of the things I’ve pinned I really want to try.

My favorite topic is all about the bucks; how can I save a few making things myself?  Homemade laundry solutions (detergent, stain remover, oxy-clean, & fabric softener), household cleaners, and diy market bags (old t-shirts!) top my list of fascinating things to do.  Mom says I am forbidden from making my own detergent in her house since she believes I would just make a horrible mess.  After looking at my room again just now I’m inclined to agree with her assessment.

Lisa’s Monthly Survey (via Emily)

A lighthearted survey is just what today needed!  I got this one from Emily over at The Real Housewife of Cuidad Juarez, who in turn got in from Lisa at From One Country To Another.  I remember spending many study hall days taking online surveys, so this is a nice little trip into the past.  Thanks Ladies!

1. Name three things you have a fear of:

Spiders, Tuesdays, and missing my chance to have another child

2. Cheese or Fruit Pie?

Cheese

Long or short hair?

When it’s long I want it short, when it’s short I want it to grow faster...

Small town or big city?

Small town – Suburb of a big city would be best J

Blue cheese or Ranch?

Neither!  I can’t stand salad dressing.

White or Wheat Bread?

Wheat

3. Have you ever won a contest?

The only time I’ve ever won anything was when I was pregnant with Ashley.  Alberto was playing baraja with his family when he decided he needed to leave the table for a while and gave me his hand.  I won $200 that night, which is why we all say “Ashley nació con una torta bajo el brazo.”

4. Would you rather camp out or stay in a Hilton?

I’m more of a hotel kind of girl.  I think it all started the time I burned two deer ticks off my leg…  That was enough of that for me!

5. Have you ever had surgery?

I’ve had my appendix out, which I think hurt more than childbirth.  Ashley was born after two hours of hard labor while I was loopy on nubain, threatening my husband, if my mother-in-law is correct. 

6. Are you a planner or go with the flow kind of person?

I try to be a planner but my conversion to mexicanism has thwarted all but the most basic of planning abilities.  Sometimes that is a good thing since it made me learn to go with the flow, but then I get that phone call about whatever appointment I missed.  They say next time they’ll have to add a charge to me bill for excessive missed appointments.

7. If you could have anything to eat right now what would it be?

Thanks for reminding me how much I’ve been craving a gordita de tinga de pollo con frijoles y arroz.  I wish Taquería Los Ocampo delivered…

8. What is your favorite type of flower?

I like the simple flowers like daisies and daffodils.  When we finally have a place to call our own I want to plant a cutting from my mother’s lilacs, which came from her mother’s lilacs, under our bedroom window.

9. Do you remember your dreams? Do you have any?

I have weird dreams when I can remember them.  There was the one where I dreamt Alberto left me for a little Asian girl who was really the princess of France and they laughed at me when I went searching for them with our baby.  I woke up from that dream and felt someone in the bed next to me.  It was the attorney I was working with at the time; he was a short and unattractive jackass.  I screamed and woke myself up for real.

The ones I don’t remember are when I wake up smelling Alberto’s cologne.  Those are the nights I cry.

10. What do you miss most about your childhood?

I miss the heyday of summer.  I miss the romantic moonlit walks in the soft and fragrant nights, and the lazy days before there were jobs and responsibilities.