Open Post To CBS

It's almost embarrassing to admit that up until recently, I watched The Bold and The Beautiful religiously.  I followed the story of Rick and Maya with intense interest, hoping that CBS would treat Maya and her transformation with respect while using it as a plot devise.  I feel that CBS did justice to the transgender part of GLBT, but what followed this couple's 'happily for a little while' (after all this is a soap opera) was nothing short of offensive.

I thought we would be dealing with your standard love triangle in regards to Liam, Ivy, Steffy, and Wyatt.  I was indignant to say the least when it was revealed that Ivy wanted Liam to marry her for immigration purposes.  This is illegal, immoral, and a slap in the face to each and every one of us that is stuck in this immigration nightmare.  My husband, best friend, and father of my only child has been waiting for more than half a decade to be granted the opportunity to return to the USA to be with his family.  When you take into consideration my personal experience and exquisite torment that is living without your soul mate, one can see why I find this plot line infinitely more disrespectful than TLC's 90 Day Fiance.

Ciao,

Deza

*facepalm*

There are no words to describe how I feel at this moment in time. I’ve been betrayed by my government, and the relationship that has spanned nearly half my life has been called into question. I don’t expect perfection from anyone, but for the love of bacon why can’t we count on a certain level of competence from people that have the power to change lives? In my last post I spoke of mistakes; I acknowledge that we are all wrong from time to time and I consider errors to be a part of the learning process. The problem is, you can only learn from your mistakes if you acknowledge their existence in the first place.

I’m sure by now you’re wondering what blunder was committed that has me so upset. As you might recall I received a case update regarding the I-130 petition that said initial processing, a status which made me quite angry. The USCIS has rescinded the approval of our I-130 petition pending an interview with them. I understand that there was a breakdown in the process and that our petition was approved after a swift kick in the ass from Senator Franken, but this is almost too much. It is the policy of the USCIS to interview every couple that files the I-130 petition while the beneficiary is in removal proceedings, or if the couple has been married less than 2 years at the time of filing. Alberto and I had only been married 3 months when the I-130 was filed, in the midst of his removal proceedings, so you see there is a reason for this development.

Really?

As if I wasn’t already annoyed enough, I received the following email from the USCIS case status system:


Application Type: I130, IMMIGRANT PETITION FOR RELATIVE, FIANCE(E), OR ORPHAN

Your Case Status: Initial Review

We transferred your I130, IMMIGRANT PETITION FOR RELATIVE, FIANCE(E), OR ORPHAN, to your local USCIS Office for further processing. The new office has jurisdiction over your case and will send you a decision as soon as processing is complete or you will be notified if further information or action is needed. If you move, please use our Change of Address online tool to update your case with your new address.

If you have questions or concerns about your application or the case status results listed above, or if you have not received a decision from USCIS within the current processing time listed*, please contact USCIS Customer Service at (800) 375-5283.

*Current processing times can be found on the USCIS website at www.uscis.gov under Check Processing Times.

*** Please do not respond to this e-mail message.

Sincerely,

The U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS)

Delay of Game

In effort to give my child summer memories that she will hopefully look back upon fondly, I signed Ashley up for Summer Power and Day Camp through our local YMCA. Summer Power went as expected, she got to go on fieldtrips and made new friends while in a safe environment that was significantly cheaper than Preschool. We did have a few behavioral issues the first few weeks, but I’m hoping that this transition from Preschool to Summer Power will help her make a smooth transition into Kindergarten. I have a meet the teacher and Kindergarten orientation event coming up that I need to be prepared for. I had been watching the advertisements for the last month to see who would offer the best deal on the supplies she is responsible to bring to school on her first day. In the end I still ended up going to Target, and I’m sure that my $20 was well spent. I need to start going through her clothing and weed out the items that are too small and supplement whatever is left with a well-timed shopping trip to Once Upon a Child. I honestly don’t know what I would do without my neighborhood second-hand stores; I only wish they had more selection for women my size.

I swear that if I had the money I would quit my job and make it my mission in life to harass the USCIS into compliance. Our attorney went to an InfoPass appointment earlier this week and was told that our file was in Minnesota for nearly a year before being transferred out to the California Service Center near the end of April. Our file then spent its summer vacation lazing on the beach in the California sun under review where just last week it was referred for a special internal review due to ‘security reasons’. At this time our file is still in California under this special review. If nothing else this appointment served to show that a band of rabid chimpanzees are more organized than the USCIS on a good day.

Why ME... continued...

This post is but a continuation of the previous days post as I'm sure you could guess by the title.  If you though the last post was enough to provoke a saint to violence...  just wait until you read this.

 

 

Dear Deza Mendez,

 

We are sorry that you did not receive the USCIS response you desired.  We will keep your inquiry closed, as your email requests, because Senator Al Franken’s staff is currently working to resolve your issue with USCIS.  Please do not hesitate to contact our office in the future.

 

Sincerely,

 

Office of the Citizenship and Immigration Services Ombudsman

 

 

The author of this email cowardly neglected to put their initials on this email, but perhaps this was the point that drove me to write what is the best scathing email I have crafted to date.  I was beyond enraged after reading the first sentence that I saw nothing but red for a minute or three.  Knowing my temper the way I do, I consulted briefly with Lance to ensure that he didn't want us to let the case become closed.  He said that I should not allow them to close it and so I lowered the boom...  This email I am about to post here was sent to every individual and email address I had for the CISOMB office as well as to Diana, Lance, Graciela, and Molly.  This email I am about to post was GLORIOUS, a work or art, a thing of beauty, and crafted by the angriest woman in the world if only for that brief moment  in time.

 

 

Dear Anonymous CIS Employee:

 

I apologize for a delay in my reply but to tell you the truth I was flabbergasted when I read your response.  I am curious to know how you determined that I was requesting to close my inquiry, when in fact I was expressing my bewilderment at the gross misunderstanding I am suffering at the hands of USCIS and now the CIS Ombudsman office. 

 

I need the assistance of the CIS Ombudsman as even the office of Senator Al Franken is receiving conflicting information when USCIS deigns to answer their inquiries.  We have been caught in this no-man’s land for 6 months, and been trapped in immigration proceedings for an additional 5 years on top of that.  Please assist the Senator’s liaison to receive our file with all due haste so that we may continue the process.  I outlined the path we wish to follow, which was confirmed by our attorney Lance, in my first reply within this email thread.  Please ensure that our attorney, Lance, is not left out of any future correspondence.

 

I trust that the CIS Ombudsman office now understands the scope of my request for assistance and the enormous impact they may have on the life of a little girl who misses her daddy terribly.

 

Thank you again for your assistance and do not hesitate to contact me and our attorney Lance for additional information,

 

Deza Mendez

 

 

 

I did not receive any further response from the CISOMB, or Lance on this day.  The story doesn't end here, and damn it felt AWESOME to send that email.

 

Ciao

 

CIS Ombudsman Office

I have felt hopeless in the past and turned to other channels for assistance but I am at my wits end.  I asked our attorney if there was any agency with whom I could lodge a complaint against the USCIS.  I know there isn’t much chance that anyone would listen, but I need to make my voice heard if only for a moment. 

Lance responded immediately with the information for the CIS Ombudsman office and said ‘go nuts’ which I suppose was meant to be encouraging.  I am on the verge of displaying my wounded soul to yet another government entity which may or may not be able to do anything to help us.  I feel my optimism is slipping through my fingers like so many grains of sand, taking what little hope I have left with it. 

How much more of this can my battle-scared heart endure before I’m too far gone to ever be happy again?

Ciao

Love is…

I’m turning in my notice tomorrow at FedEx.  I had an entire wall of boxes fall on me yesterday and I could barely get out of bed this morning.  I am done.  I’m sure this is not a sound financial decision on my part, but I survived without the extra income prior to October, and I can continue to do so after my last paycheck is received.  I cannot afford to put myself in situations where serious injury is common whether or not an individual is careful.  The chick that was taken to the hospital a few weeks ago is not overly careful; in fact she scared the crap out of me whenever I helped her unload a trailer.  I am obsessively careful; although I was not seriously injured this time, I could have been.  I talked to HR about the situation and I feel as though what I had to say was important to someone, but it was too little too late.  I was able to confirm that FedEx does not have a required 2 week notice policy, a day of notice is sufficient, but I will tell the big boss that I’m done as of Saturday.

Sick and Tired

I truly believe that a pack of wild monkeys could run USCIS better than the powers that be.  So far this year we were told our file was sent to Consulate in Cuidad Juarez for processing, then that it was received by the National Visa Center which didn’t make any sense at all.  Today may actually take the cake in regards to baffling behavior; we’ve only just learned that the National Visa Center sent our file to the California Service Center to review the approved I-130 petition.  I’ll let you read the emails I received today...

Numb

The human mind can only handle so much before a breakdown occurs.  Whenever something devastating happens, my mind shuts off the outside world to wrap itself in a cocoon of misery.  I experience some of the classic symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder; feeling emotionally numb, trouble concentrating, avoiding activities I once enjoyed, and difficulty maintaining relationships.  I suppose that what I was experiencing wasn’t severe enough to be called PTSD, so I was diagnosed with Major Depression, Dysthymia, and GeneralizedAnxiety Disorder.  My first experience was after Alberto’s voluntary departure in October of 2008, and my second round started on Wednesday, July 18th.

I was destroyed, reduced to a pile of fragmented shards by the email informing me of the denial from USICS.  Joelle sent me home, though she wanted to call someone to come get me instead.  She only saw the tattered facade left behind by emotions run amok; she couldn’t see the core of steel, the resolve that was keeping me upright when all I wanted to do was crumble into pieces on the floor.  I left because it was easier to do so, and because I needed Ashley.

DENIED

Today was the day my hope for a quick end to our suffering was smashed to pieces.  The I-485 and I-601 we filed back in February were denied in a particularly heinous fashion.  I understand it is their ‘policy’ to approve or deny people on a whim, but using 1 sentence to address a 739 page waiver packet was only slightly more subtle  than giving us the middle finger.  Our packet was a handcrafted masterpiece, their denial was a 14 page cut and paste hack job.  I mean there were several places where the quotation marks didn’t agree and there was a different in font size throughout the document.  They did not even reference one single piece of the I-601 waiver in their denial; I highly doubt they actually read any of it.  Looking at the table of contents isn’t the same thing as having read the damned thing.

Lance thinks the interviewer has never seen an I-601 waiver before, but even that doesn’t excuse such a poorly made and rationalized decision.  Graciela was horrified by denial in itself, how could they possible justify such an appalling decision?  Gather round friends and neighbors and let me explain something to you: immigration is an arm of the government that is not well trained, has no concrete set of rules, and no one appears to be looking over their shoulder.  They have the power to detain and deport people at will, and have been known to ‘accidently’ deport American Citizens when it suits them.  You know that ‘line’ that our spouses were supposed to get in?  It only exists in the narrow minds of the anti-immigration political candidates.  Have they ever looked at the processing times for the different applications?

If the petitioner isn’t a US Citizen, you will be waiting between 1 to 2 years for the initial visa appointment.

I pretty upset so I think I should just go to bed.

Ciao

Empty Words and Broken Dreams

I hate waiting.  I don’t want to hear about how patient, strong, and wonderful I am.  I don’t want to hear how brave I am to do this all on my own.  I don’t want to hear any of these empty words that praise me for staying alive in this God awful situation.

So you think I’m patient?  I’m sure if you went through my posts you could find multiple examples of the times I’ve flipped the fuck out because I surpassed my maximum tolerance for stress, or the death-grip I have on my emotions snapped like an overstretched elastic band.  Honestly it doesn’t take much anymore.  I’m sure Lance has many stories he could relate, but even he hasn’t seen or heard everything.  I’m too internal of a person to tell one person every single thing I think or feel.  Alberto is the only person that I never hid myself from.

I’m strong because I have no choice.  What good would it do to fold myself into a ball and weep copiously for what has been lost?  Who, in my situation, has the time to be weak and what kind of mother would I be to Ashley if she couldn’t count on her Mamí to always be there?  Alberto needs me to be strong when in the past he was always my rock.  I am desperately trying to hold myself together.  I’m trying to cover the hole in my bleeding heart that may never heal.  Should I let those bitter tears run down my cheeks whenever someone I know gets engaged, married, pregnant, their dream job, a degree, or even just goes to the movies with their loved ones?  Being weak wouldn’t change a single damn thing about this nightmare I live in.  No amount of tears or begging on my knees would ever bring my husband home to us, and the cost would be my self-respect.  I will not allow the government to take my family away from me just because my husband wasn’t born on this side of an arbitrary line in the dirt.

I bite my thumb at you, sir

Brian pisses me off.  I hardly have words to describe the anger the man is capable of generating in me.  It would have been an ugly thing if I had run into him today after the newest outrage.  I swear that if I had the means, I would fire this clown in a heartbeat.

 

It all started last week when the hearing regarding our motion to contest restitution was rescheduled AGAIN, because the Writ was not served in enough time.  I gather the counties only require a few days’ notice to transfer a detainee, whereas immigration needs a minimum of 2 weeks to process such a request.  Brian forwarded me a series of email between himself, the prosecutor, and the clerk of court as they went back and forth setting a new date.  Brian requested June 7th at 2:45 pm, which was fine with the prosecutor, however the Judge was in trial at that time so the clerk offered several different times on the same day.  Maybe I’ll just let you read parts of the email change so you can see why they irritate me so.  It starts from the most recent and ends with the forwarded email chain.

Anger Management

My weekend that started out so good, ended so badly that I am still recovering.  My cousin got married on Saturday and everything was beautiful.  The day was perfect, the location was unique, and the flower girl only slightly cranky.  Saturday morning Ashley was up early so we went to go and visit Alberto at jail.  We talked about nothing in particular and ended with the agreement that I would try this method I devised for Alberto to be able to call Mexico and talk to his family there.  After leaving the jail, we got home for breakfast and then left immediately for Ashley to get a haircut.  Since I’m useless when it comes to styling, I had Fantastic Sam’s create an up do for Ashley and so discovered they had a portable DVD player on hand with Dora movies.  Perfect!  About 45 minutes later we were on our way home again.  I had enough time to get dressed then get Ashley dressed before we had to leave for pictures before the ceremony.  After the ceremony I bought ice cream which was a shameless bribe to keep my 3 year old happy for another round of pictures and poses.  We arrived home and spent 20 minutes doing nothing before we left for the reception.  I made a call to the babysitter’s house to make sure she remembered that I was going to pick her up around 9; there was no answer so I left a voicemail.  I called several times before 9:30 without an answer or a call back from my messages, I even called her mother’s cell phone without any luck.  Ashley had already been asleep about 30 minutes and we were passing her around like a sack of potatoes.  Luckily my cousin agreed to babysit for me since she was able to dance due to a knee injury, and I took them to the house to get settled.  My cousin was asleep when I came home at 11 pm, and I promptly went to bed myself after seeing her off with her mother.

*CAUTION* Anger management in progress…

Remember what I said before about walking away from additional anxieties?  I have more to add to the list apparently.  I know that I have mentioned my mother-in-law Gisela in this blog before and here I will mention her yet again.  Today was visiting day, so I arrived at Gisela’s to pick up Ashley at a quarter after 4 or thereabouts.  When I walk in the door I don’t really notice anything out of the ordinary so I proceed to herd Ashley into the kitchen to wash her face and hands since she is always covered in some sort of food.  We go back to the living room and Anita keeps urging Jimena to ‘tell her’.  Trying not to sigh, I ask what is going on and Jimena says that my daughter cut her.  Jimena comes over and uncovers her pinkie to show me a gash about half an inch long right over her knuckle.  Completely horrified I demanded to know what had happened.

Jimena tells me that Ashley had picked up a knife and was playing with it when Jimena intervened and attempted to take it away from Ashley.  Ashley then accidentally cut Jimena’s finger with the knife while trying to keep possession of it.  I could feel my blood pressure rising as I started questioning Anita and Jimena about first aid supplies so I could properly cut and wrap the cut.  They don’t have any supplies in the house to speak of because the girls keep using up all the Band-Aids.  As I look at the cut again, it occurs to me to ask if Jimena has health insurance right now and if someone could take her to the doctor to get it cleaned and closed since it probably needs stitches.  Jimena has coverage, but no one in the house can drive and are even less inclined to do anything about the injury.  I went upstairs to talk to Gisela and retrieve Ashley’s bag and was met with resistance.  “I can’t drive so how am I going to take her to the doctor?  It will close on its own.”  By this time I had reached the end of my tolerance and had to leave immediately before saying or doing something I would regret later.  I told Jimena to keep the wound clean, dry, and to try to get someone buy some Band-Aids and an antibiotic for her to use.  I left as soon as this was said for the good of the children.

And Friday was not much better

I think the title says it all.  After the issues I had with Ashley and pink eye in the morning, I decided it was best for me to stay home today and care for my daughter.  I did this knowing that I will be short on hours this week and I can’t make them up.  I’m a seasonal staff member at my place of employment, so I don’t have any options like PTO or sick time for this fiasco.  I absolutely hate staying home unless it is: covered by PTO, covered by Sick Time, or absolutely unavoidable.  I’m the kind of person who stays home only if I’ve vomited in the last few hours, am too dizzy to walk, or I have a fever of 101° or more.  I think this stems from being the sole breadwinner for so long and from my three month stint of being unemployed.  I’ve found that I go crazy when I’m not working, although I would be willing to try this experiment again once we’re living together on our own.  A major issue I had with being home all day was being here with my father who was laid off a few years ago and still is unable to find a job.  The sad thing is we were better off financially when I wasn’t working because my benefits covered all the bills with some extra for essentials.  Now I can barely make ends meet and I have fallen behind on some of my bills because of gas and childcare expenses. 

Childcare expenses, so you see I am paying my mother-in-law for watching my daughter get into trouble because no one is watching her closely enough.  I have a few examples, but the one that is currently pissing me off the most is this one:  I arrive to pick my daughter up just like every other day and everyone is out front because the heat in the house was oppressive.  I went in the house to get Ashley’s bag when my niece Jimena comes up and says that my daughter broke her Nintendo DS.  I ask her how Ashley managed to do that and Jimena tells me that she threw the DS out of the second story window of the house.  I am shocked by this revelation because Ashley does not throw things when we’re at home, let alone out of a window.  My mother-in-law Gisela confirms the story; Ashley was in her bedroom and chucked the game out of the window.  Gisela then proceeds to tell me how a few days prior Ashley had gotten into someone else’s room and tossed a bunch of clothing and a bottle of cologne out of his bedroom window.  I can’t remember exactly who said that I was on the hook to replace the game, but it was at this point I got mad.  To make sure I wouldn’t say something I would later regret, I picked up Ashley and left. What the hell is Gisela doing during the day if she’s not keeping an eye on my daughter whom she insisted she be allowed to care for?  The fact that Ashley did it a second time and it is going to cost me money to replace a broken object makes my blood boil.  She was obviously never yelled at the first time around.  Mind you this is only the most recent offense.  Also she would not have been able to toss anything out of the window if the screens were not in tatters on all the windows.