Business as usual

My husband has never been content with the status quo. It has been four months since Alberto left the United States with his brand new outlook on life. In that time he has gotten a job, fixed his car, and he is now buying an established business. He is determined to buy the creamery where he works from his boss despite the fact we don’t have the money to pay upfront. I asked him what he planned to do with the business if the waiver was approved and he said that this business would provide a way of life for his family. I don't know what other people might think but to me it seems like a win-win situation.  If worst comes to worst it would mean that we should have at least one income to help us survive in Mexico until we know what we're going to do next.  It’s almost a relief to know that we have at least one thing we can fall back on.

This living situation is driving me insane!  Carol is the single most disorganized person I have ever met, which is pretty bad coming from someone that more often than not cannot find a pair of socks that match. I haven’t been able to get to bed on time since they moved in and I’m not sure how much longer I can take it.  I‘ve told Carol that I have about 4 1/2 hours in which I can sleep Tuesday through Saturday; it is extremely important that I am able to get to bed by 9 o’clock because the less sleep I get, the less civilized I am.  I haven’t been able to get to bed before 10 pm because of the shenanigans.  I have been in a bad mood for over a week already and unfortunately I don’t anticipate this ending anytime soon.  Ashley will not go to bed if Kay is not in bed, and I can’t go to bed if Ashley is still up being the responsible adult that I am.

Pins and Needles

Today is the day I talk about my newest obsession: PINTEREST!  I was introduced to this addictive website by a coworker almost a year ago, but I never actually took the time to look at the site until recently.  I was in need of a distraction, which Pinterest most definitely is.  I have pinned more projects than I will probably ever be able to complete!  I really think pinning is the best part, although some of the things I’ve pinned I really want to try.

My favorite topic is all about the bucks; how can I save a few making things myself?  Homemade laundry solutions (detergent, stain remover, oxy-clean, & fabric softener), household cleaners, and diy market bags (old t-shirts!) top my list of fascinating things to do.  Mom says I am forbidden from making my own detergent in her house since she believes I would just make a horrible mess.  After looking at my room again just now I’m inclined to agree with her assessment.

Empty Words and Broken Dreams

I hate waiting.  I don’t want to hear about how patient, strong, and wonderful I am.  I don’t want to hear how brave I am to do this all on my own.  I don’t want to hear any of these empty words that praise me for staying alive in this God awful situation.

So you think I’m patient?  I’m sure if you went through my posts you could find multiple examples of the times I’ve flipped the fuck out because I surpassed my maximum tolerance for stress, or the death-grip I have on my emotions snapped like an overstretched elastic band.  Honestly it doesn’t take much anymore.  I’m sure Lance has many stories he could relate, but even he hasn’t seen or heard everything.  I’m too internal of a person to tell one person every single thing I think or feel.  Alberto is the only person that I never hid myself from.

I’m strong because I have no choice.  What good would it do to fold myself into a ball and weep copiously for what has been lost?  Who, in my situation, has the time to be weak and what kind of mother would I be to Ashley if she couldn’t count on her Mamí to always be there?  Alberto needs me to be strong when in the past he was always my rock.  I am desperately trying to hold myself together.  I’m trying to cover the hole in my bleeding heart that may never heal.  Should I let those bitter tears run down my cheeks whenever someone I know gets engaged, married, pregnant, their dream job, a degree, or even just goes to the movies with their loved ones?  Being weak wouldn’t change a single damn thing about this nightmare I live in.  No amount of tears or begging on my knees would ever bring my husband home to us, and the cost would be my self-respect.  I will not allow the government to take my family away from me just because my husband wasn’t born on this side of an arbitrary line in the dirt.

Interesting revelations

This weekend was rather unexciting to tell you the truth, but sometimes these are the best weekends of all.  I had to work on Saturday which isn’t terribly fun, but you have to make the most of what is given to you.  We managed to get caught up on the registrations for programs starting on Monday, and for any registrations that were turned in late for last week.  I didn’t encounter too many problems overall which always puts me in a good mood since that streamlines my data entry.  The most irritating thing we came across all day was 4 registrations that came with a cover letter from a woman that referred to herself in the third person.  Why this woman couldn’t write out what she needed in plain English is beyond me, but based on the writing I would say she most likely works in the law firm and doesn’t understand the concept of grammar.  It took a broad interpretation of the letter in conjunction with the completed registrations by no less than three individuals in order to construe what exactly it was that she was trying to say.  This is why education needs more support to help people succeed in life!

I ended my shift well satisfied with the amount of work I had completed.  I also managed to catch up on the hours I had been missing during the week without working more than 4 hours!  If Deza doesn’t work 40 hours, then Deza doesn’t get paid 40 hours and that makes Deza very sad indeed.  I can’t afford to miss work because I’m already living paycheck to paycheck.