*CAUTION* Anger management in progress…

Remember what I said before about walking away from additional anxieties?  I have more to add to the list apparently.  I know that I have mentioned my mother-in-law Gisela in this blog before and here I will mention her yet again.  Today was visiting day, so I arrived at Gisela’s to pick up Ashley at a quarter after 4 or thereabouts.  When I walk in the door I don’t really notice anything out of the ordinary so I proceed to herd Ashley into the kitchen to wash her face and hands since she is always covered in some sort of food.  We go back to the living room and Anita keeps urging Jimena to ‘tell her’.  Trying not to sigh, I ask what is going on and Jimena says that my daughter cut her.  Jimena comes over and uncovers her pinkie to show me a gash about half an inch long right over her knuckle.  Completely horrified I demanded to know what had happened.

Jimena tells me that Ashley had picked up a knife and was playing with it when Jimena intervened and attempted to take it away from Ashley.  Ashley then accidentally cut Jimena’s finger with the knife while trying to keep possession of it.  I could feel my blood pressure rising as I started questioning Anita and Jimena about first aid supplies so I could properly cut and wrap the cut.  They don’t have any supplies in the house to speak of because the girls keep using up all the Band-Aids.  As I look at the cut again, it occurs to me to ask if Jimena has health insurance right now and if someone could take her to the doctor to get it cleaned and closed since it probably needs stitches.  Jimena has coverage, but no one in the house can drive and are even less inclined to do anything about the injury.  I went upstairs to talk to Gisela and retrieve Ashley’s bag and was met with resistance.  “I can’t drive so how am I going to take her to the doctor?  It will close on its own.”  By this time I had reached the end of my tolerance and had to leave immediately before saying or doing something I would regret later.  I told Jimena to keep the wound clean, dry, and to try to get someone buy some Band-Aids and an antibiotic for her to use.  I left as soon as this was said for the good of the children.

I managed to tamp down my rage until we reached the parking ramp I use when we go to visit Alberto.  By this time Ashley was asleep in her car seat, so I stepped out of my now parked car and let loose a string of obscenities the likes of which were never before heard in such rapid succession from my lips.  I was livid at the thought that my daughter, my 3 year old child, had managed to get her hands on a knife.  Where was Gisela when this happened?  Where was the knife and how did Ashley get her hands on it.  As for the injury, I felt awful that Jimena had been cut and that I couldn’t at least properly care for the wound for her.  To be perfectly honest, I am still angry which is why I haven’t called Gisela to discuss the incident.  The fact that I am only angry and not still seeing red has everything to do with visiting Alberto today.  I stopped at Target after dinner to pick up my prescription and bought a first aid kit for Gisela.

Which brings me to an interesting revelation I had about our relationship: Alberto is my polar opposite when it comes to temperament.  He is shy where I am gregarious and even-tempered to my foul temper.  Alberto’s presence has always had a soothing effect on me.  I will be the first to admit that I have a beastly temper and it is very difficult for me to control it.  It becomes impossible for me to control my temper if certain topics are discussed with any negativity.  These topics include immigration, Alberto, and what language I choose to speak with Ashley.  I employ the ‘walk away’ method so if I walk away from you during a conversation for no apparent reason, you know now it was because I was angry.  There was something else I was going to talk about in this post, but it seems to have escaped my mind.  It seems that rage overrides the logical portion of my mind, which is something I have seen in so many other people.  The minute their hot button topic is up for discussion, all logic vanishes in a puff of smoke and the combatants resort to name calling like a group of children on the playground. 

Well since I have nothing left to say, let’s end this with a quote from one of my favorite movies:

"You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you think it means."

Inigo Montoya (Princess Bride)

Ciao