Thursday, September 29, 2011

Anger Management

My weekend that started out so good, ended so badly that I am still recovering.  My cousin got married on Saturday and everything was beautiful.  The day was perfect, the location was unique, and the flower girl only slightly cranky.  Saturday morning Ashley was up early so we went to go and visit Alberto at jail.  We talked about nothing in particular and ended with the agreement that I would try this method I devised for Alberto to be able to call Mexico and talk to his family there.  After leaving the jail, we got home for breakfast and then left immediately for Ashley to get a haircut.  Since I’m useless when it comes to styling, I had Fantastic Sam’s create an up do for Ashley and so discovered they had a portable DVD player on hand with Dora movies.  Perfect!  About 45 minutes later we were on our way home again.  I had enough time to get dressed then get Ashley dressed before we had to leave for pictures before the ceremony.  After the ceremony I bought ice cream which was a shameless bribe to keep my 3 year old happy for another round of pictures and poses.  We arrived home and spent 20 minutes doing nothing before we left for the reception.  I made a call to the babysitter’s house to make sure she remembered that I was going to pick her up around 9; there was no answer so I left a voicemail.  I called several times before 9:30 without an answer or a call back from my messages, I even called her mother’s cell phone without any luck.  Ashley had already been asleep about 30 minutes and we were passing her around like a sack of potatoes.  Luckily my cousin agreed to babysit for me since she was able to dance due to a knee injury, and I took them to the house to get settled.  My cousin was asleep when I came home at 11 pm, and I promptly went to bed myself after seeing her off with her mother.


At around 8 am on Sunday Ashley somehow managed to get me out of bed.  I went through the motions of breakfast thinking of nothing in particular.  Alberto called around 8:45 and I admit I was cranky and so may have not been as diplomatic as usual.  Long story short – he got mad that I hadn’t fixed the phone number like I said I was going to.  I told him about the schedule we had yesterday, but he wasn’t listening to me or my ‘excuses’ and shouted “don’t worry I won’t bother you anymore!  I’ll even take you off the visitors list so you don’t have to deal with me!”  He hung up on me and I had myself a decent crying jag.  I went on the errands I had planned and took Ashley to her swimming lesson after which a massive tension headache developed, pounding my brain into a pulp.  It took me 45 minutes to get the new number added to my incoming jail call account, and another 30 minutes to get the forwarding feature to work correctly.  I had the money I was planning on depositing for Alberto that night, but by 7 pm I just couldn’t think anymore.  I skipped most of my supper because I was nauseous, and my darling daughter cured the worst of my pain when she demanded I put my feet in the bathtub with her.  A half an hour or so later Alberto called to find out if I fixed the numbers up and who was coming with me on Monday to visit.  I didn’t even get a ‘Perdóname’ and he used his pouty tone of voice when he talked to me.  After the call disconnected, I gave up on Sunday and went to bed.

Skipping ahead to Wednesday, I am so damn irritated right now I could scream.  I have been going back and forth with some new paralegal at Brian’s office for the last week trying to set up the interview Brian requested with the witnesses.  I only know one of the guys, my husband’s cousin by marriage Anton, and I have no desire to talk to the only other guy whose name I actually know.  Ernesto is the pendejo who helped my pendejo de un cuñado beat the ever loving crap out of Nemesio so you can understand how it is not a good idea for me to speak with him.  Luckily my brother-in-law David is acting as a go between for the witnesses, which makes my life easier.

There is a reason why I prefer to email people that have a habit of pissing me off since at least I can take my time before I respond.  The paralegal confirmed the appointment for Friday but then dropped a bomb in stating that I was expected to supply an interpreter and apparently be present in the office.  I was livid to the point that I literally saw red when I finished reading his email.  I had to get up and leave my computer for several minutes before I was able to draft a response, and I had a few people critique the email before I sent it.  Below this line you will find my email and the subsequent responses.

Me: “You have got to be kidding me, supply my own interpreter?  I am not the party who will be interviewing the witnesses nor is it a good idea (in my opinion) for me to be present at the office for the interviews.  I have never known a legal office that required their clients to supply interpreters for witnesses they wanted to interview.”

Brian: “Let me see if I can get someone out here Friday.”

Brian: “The issue is expense.  Cases like this, there is a built in fee to pay for the interpreter however, the fee has not been paid in full yet so it makes it difficult to provide the services necessary when the financial component is not there however, I will try to make some arrangements.  It may require me to reschedule the meeting on Friday in conformity with the interpreter.    I will keep you in the loop.”

Me: “Believe me if I had the money, I would pay you in full gladly.  There is nothing I hate more than being in debt.  Every year my tax return goes to paying off old debts and I get one step closer to getting rid of everything that went into collections when Alberto left in 2008.  I still need a statement so I know exactly what I owe.    In regards to the interpreter; at the end of the month I have almost nothing left.  I pay the bills as I am able but without the ability to get assistance for things like daycare because Immigration has my hands tied, my resources are stretched to the breaking point.  At this point I am thanking God I’ll have some PTO accrued in time for the trial in 19 days otherwise I would be unable to make my car payment next month.  There is nothing more demoralizing then having to count your pennies and then having to decide if you get to go to the doctor or buy new shoes or your growing child.  God willing I won’t have to do this all on my own much longer.    With kind regards, Deza.”

I am still of the opinion that Brian is not a bad guy, just clueless of what it is like to be a card carrying member of the working poor.  It was only a month or two ago that I check I wrote him bounced because he demanded it to pay for the Discovery for Alberto’s case.  I don’t know if he understands that if it wasn’t for my parents, we would not be continuing with the immigration case at all because I would need public assistance to survive.  I thought I had talked about this at one point with him, how I was unable to get the assistance we needed because Immigration would conclude that allowing Alberto to come to the United States would cause a larger drain as he would leach the system dry.  You know, I used to work with someone who abused every public assistance program she could get her grubby little hands on.  She was a citizen, wasn’t a minority, and felt no remorse for cheating the system.  Even having the state garnish her wages to repay what she wrongfully received didn’t stop her.  She used her children to get whatever she could out of the government and from what I saw she did not take good care of them. 

I submitted a petition today for additional financial assistance from the YMCA regarding Ashley’s Preschool.  I decided that it couldn’t hurt to ask for the help in case a spot opens up for Ashley to attend full time.  I managed to condense my 4 years of horror into a page and a half letter which may or may not be sufficient, but at the very least the Director now knows my pain.  Dear Lord has it really been that long?  The incident was in August and Alberto was arrested in November after Thanksgiving in 2007.  Someone asked me a few weeks ago if I had to go back and do it all again, would I?  Yes, though I admit there are a few little things I would love to change but I would have stood by Alberto.  For better or worse, in richer and poorer, so long as you both shall live?  I do…



“It is difficult for some people to accept that love is a choice.  This seems to run counter to the generally accepted theory of romantic love which expounds that love is inborn and as such requires no more than to accept it.”
         Leo F. Buscaglia



Ciao



Interesting Spanish Words/Phrases:

Perdóname            Forgive me

Pendejo                 Dumbass

Cuñado                  Brother-in-law

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