One day at a time

I often wonder what I would be like today if my world hadn’t crumbled from beneath my feet.  Would I be a nicer person, maybe more patient and understanding of the people that are around me?  Would I have sympathy for some of the people who currently make me angry when they whine about how they hate their job and no one appreciates them?  I’m sorry if your glorious career at Subway doesn’t satisfy you, but if you don’t get off your ass and do something about it nothing will ever change.  I often wonder if we would’ve been happy, but in reality there is no point in wondering.  I am who I am today because of the pain I survived yesterday.  I had no choice but to survive and to tell myself that everything will be ok.  I have to believe that everything will be ok just so I can get out of bed in the morning.  I need to stand tall and be strong for all of us.

I feel old and cantankerous today.  There is no one thing that set me off, just a string of small nothings that merged into a big something.  Christmas is the season of hope, love, and family whereas I feel like I’m missing all of the above.  Alberto always was the center of my world since about 6 months into our relationship when I realized that I loved him.  This month marks the 4th anniversary of our marriage.  I don’t know how I managed to forget about our anniversary last week but I suspect it has something to do with the fact I have never been able to celebrate with Alberto.  There was never a celebration when we get married; it was a secret only because I was too devastated to share with anyone.  I think people found out I was pregnant before they discovered I was now a Mendez.  Maybe I regret not including my family or my in-laws in the affair, but maybe it was for the best.  Someday we’ll have a party and only God knows where it will take place.

2011 Christmas Letter

Dear Friends and Family:

During this season of family and celebrations, I wanted to send this short letter to let everyone know what is happening in my family.  Ashley, who turned 3 this August, started Preschool in the fall and loves every minute she gets to spend with her teachers.  We enjoy hearing about school and her tales are highly entertaining.  It is fulfilling to know she enjoys school, although she sometimes complains on the weekends that she would rather be there than at home.  She is developing into quite a feisty preschooler.

In regards to our home situation, I have an encouraging update.  In effort to correct past mistakes and secure our future as a family, Alberto has complied with the many requests of immigration in order to gain permission to reside lawfully in the United States.  These requests included leaving the United States of his own volition and returning to Mexico, a country he had not seen in 10 years.

During his stay in Mexico, Alberto had the opportunity to visit the city he was born in and see distant family members he had not seen since he was a young boy.  With the help of one of our Minnesota Senators, we finally saw some progress in our case this past year.  Only last month one of the final barriers holding us back from proceeding with our case was finally removed; giving us the opportunity to begin work on the last and most labor intensive portion of this grueling process.  I understand that immigration policies are confusing because I myself have been very confused at times, and for that reason I wanted to take the time to briefly explain our situation.  We anticipate that 2012 will be the year that all our hopes and dreams come true.

We hope that everything goes well during these last crucial steps and we will soon be united as a family here in the United States.  Thank you for your understanding and support during this difficult period in our lives.

Merry Christmas and God Bless,

The Mendez Family

Wait... What?!

Ok, so today I’m a little upset, although I believe that I am entitled this time around.  I emailed Lance yesterday to see what his thoughts were about the outcome of the hearing and this is what I get back from him:  “I will review the charging document.   The question I am trying to resolve is whether he can apply for residency here at all, regardless of whether the court or USCIS has the power to do it.”  Wait a minute, what the hell is that supposed to mean?

I guess I’m waiting, albeit impatiently at this point, to see what will happen next.  I really hate immigration policy.

Ciao

(I'll update as I get more information...)

Another continuance…

So Monday was my first dental checkup in about 4 years or more and it was not as bad as I expected.  It took much longer than I would’ve expected because it was the first time I’d been to that office so they had to do the x-rays and everything.  The worst thing for me about getting my teeth cleaned is that food is disgusting for the rest of the day.  At least I only have three small cavities which will be filled next month.  I’m hoping I can wear my ear buds because the sound of the drill is like nails on a chalkboard for me.  Who knows, I might get lucky if I ask really nicely…

I also got a phone call from one of the assistants at Lance’s office this morning.  I was amused when the woman spoke to me in Spanish, totally ignoring my English greeting.  She was talking so fast that I couldn’t get a word in edgewise, and her news was grim: the hearing was cancelled.  She admitted that is was most likely postponed, but either way I should wait for her to call me by 4:00 for more information.  To my surprise it was Lance that called me, and the first words out of his mouth were, “I don’t know what she was smoking but I NEVER said the hearing was cancelled.”  The moved the immigration hearing from 10 am to 1 pm, but everything else would be the same and he said he would see me there.

All I want for Christmas is you

Why is the month of December so much more difficult for me than any other month?  It is the holiday spirit; gift giving, family gatherings, and the pictures of happy families posted everywhere that makes me so blue?  Or is it that I am really pea green with envy at what those pictures show; mom, dad, and child(ren) together and happy?  Why should they have what I have been denied for so many years?  The government took my husband away from me a mere two months before Christmas three years ago and I still feel some bitterness when I think about it.  Ashley has never had a Christmas with her father so at least she doesn’t know what is missing this time of year.  I suppose I prefer that way since this way I have less to make up for.  This year I’m asking Santa Claus to leave Alberto under the Christmas tree for me since that is the only thing I want.  I would love to send out a Christmas card with a picture of the three of us on it.

As I sat here at my faithful computer typing furiously the deluge of thoughts coursing through my head, I looked down at my right hand and smile.  I still wear the ring that Alberto bought me when he was 15.  He gave it to me on our 6th month anniversary back in June of 2002.  It makes me smile to remember when he gave me a choice between two rings that his sister-in-law had in stock while she was selling oro.  I choose the ring with the heart shaped cubic zirconia over the other option; an oval ring with the Virgen de Guadalupe on it.  Ashley likes to try on my ‘pretty’ as she calls it and will parade around the house showing off her ring.  She’s still trying to convince me to buy her a ring, so maybe I’ll find something cheap to give her for Christmas.  I still want to buy her a gold chain like mine for the gold medal of the Virgen de Guadalupe I bought for her in Mexico City last year.  It needs to be a Figaro chain so that she can’t break it, and I would prefer something in the 14-16 inch range so it’s less likely to fall off or get caught on something.  I should call la Madrina and see if she can find me one so I can buy it from Mexico.