The first week at my dream job with one of the biggest Fortune 500 companies based in the frozen tundra was nothing if not an abject disappointment. The first day alone was ridiculous and warned me that this company would be on equal footing as the non-profit I slaved at for three years when it came to technology. The morning training session was punctuated with a series of technological failures, and each event was more baffling than the last.
Trainer 1 had a laptop that refused to turn on, and once that issue was solved she had to go back to her desk multiple times for print-offs and other materials. We spent the hour between the end of the training and lunch sitting at what would be our desks with no instructions or direction. I couldn't even try signing in to the systems because I had a computer tower with no monitors. I was forced to socialize with a fellow trainee out of sheer mind numbing boredom. I would have been better off keeping to myself and drafting blog posts in the notebook I had brought with me.
My first impression of Malika from the entryway of the building was accurate, a vapid little girl in designer threads and club worthy war paint artfully applied. Unfortunately for me, this shallow girl decided we were destined to be work BFFs. I suppose this situation would give me the opportunity to work on my acting skills, though I would rather have bamboo shoots driven under my fingernails than hear about her supposedly vast hooker heel collection. By the way "hooker heel" was her description of the platform stilettos she prefers, being of a diminutive stature and fashionable skinny to boot. God grant me the strength to resist throttling the little sugar queen with her Louis Vuitton scarf.
The afternoon training session involved more technical difficulties as Trainer 2 couldn't access her materials on her system folder because the WIFI kept disconnecting. By this time my opinion of this company was the polar opposite of what it had been that morning. How would I last the duration of my 9 month contract when the first day in itself was such an absolute joke?
I have a slightly ominous feeling about this situation. Where is the anti-dumbass spray when you really need it?