Bittersweet Memories

Each letter I receive from Alberto is better than the last.  He is writing down on paper the words that he would so rarely say.  My favorite part of each letter is when he describes a memory that he has of us that made him smile that day.  The times we would go walking in the park, to the movies, or even just having a lazy day in the house with a few rented movies.  He talks about how much the walks together meant to him, but it seems he doesn’t remember how I would have to pester him to get him to go anywhere.  Mi media naraja is more of a homebody than I ever was, and I was pretty adept at sitting on my butt for hours at a time.  I remember the times we would go the movie theater and spend time in the arcade playing air hockey, and now that theater is gone as well as the arcade.  I remember going to the fair with Alberto and buying him something silly just because I wanted to see him smile.  Memories are looking at the past with rose-tinted glasses, forgetting the mundane and emphasizing the pretty.

I am more sentimental then I thought I was.  Today as I was cleaning out my purse, which I have to do on a weekly basis, I discovered all of the letters that Alberto has written me from jail.  I didn’t realize that I was carrying them with me everywhere I go, but I have done just that for over a month.  I like the idea that I am carrying a piece of my husband with me whether I go.  I also have a $200 and $100 peso bill in my wallet from our last trip to Mexico, Alberto’s new check card, and a 1987 Mexican silver coin.  I also have a variety of key chains that include the virgencita keychain I bought at the Basilica, one that is engraved from Things Remembered, and a third that I only put back on yesterday that is a bit more meaningful.  I lost it at one point a few years ago when I lost my one and only car key for a few days and I was distraught.  It is an old silver Mexican coin from the 1950’s that has cut-outs that were melted back onto the coin to make the virgen at her chapel and I love it.  I think I harassed Alberto for several months before he let me have it, but I have carried it for several years.  I used to have the card for the last bouquet of flowers in my wallet, but after it started fading last year I put it in a picture frame.  The last time he gave me flowers was in July of 2002; three red roses that unfortunately did not survive the move.  I want to find a pretty box to put all of my memories in, and I know I should go through what I have in the shoebox I had been using and throw some things out.

Our room could use a good cleaning but lately I haven’t been able to find the time.  I come home every night exhausted, and still never seem to be able to sleep.  I have a stack of clean laundry waiting for me right now that I don’t want to deal with.  I also have Alberto’s clothes that I have no idea where I’m going to put them.  I need to thin out my wardrobe, but since I’m not exactly fashion forward I don’t know what to keep/toss.  I have favorite clothing that doesn’t fit anymore or that I wore so much it self-destructed.  I’ve a few pounds, but it is just not enough to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothing that I refuse to give away.  I was actually buying nice clothes for a while there that I could only wear for a short time.  Someone needs to nominate me for a show like ‘What not to Wear’, but only after I’m back to a size 14 at least.  I’m going to try getting up early in the morning to go to the gym, but it’s highly unlikely I’ll be successful with my current sleep pattern.  I go through cycles of good and bad sleep; times when I’m awake by 6 am without an alarm clock and times when I barely drag myself out of bed with enough time to dress and rush out of the door. 

Now that we know when the trial will take place I feel like a burden has lifted from my shoulders, but I know I’ll start to freak out again in September.  With so much happening that month, hopefully I don’t have much time to think about anything.  I need to find a job or at least have some interviews lined up for when my seasonal position ends.  My supervisor said that I’m a good fit for the company and they like having my around so she will keep her ears open for any upcoming open positions.  I like going home each day knowing the company I work for truly cares about people so much they give back to the community.  I’m definitely going to give first consideration to non-profits while I am looking for a job.  If I can’t have a fulfilling job, give me one that pays good money so I can donate to a worthy cause like the United Way.

I still haven’t made the doctor’s appointments that I’ve been meaning to get scheduled.  Ashley is due for her 3 year checkup, I need to find a primary doctor and get a physical so they can tell me to lose weight, and I’m sure there was something else that needed to be done.  Next week I should know more about flexibility at work so I can figure out when is a good time.  I should probably find a dentist too since it has been a few years since I’ve gone.  Too bad there is no cure for my chronic condition that causes excruciating pain in my pocketbook, la pobreza. 

“Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.”

Kevin Arnold

 

Ciao

                                              

Interesting Spanish words/phrases from this post:

Mi Media Naraja:             My other half, my better half (lit. my half an orange)

Virgencita:                      Little Virgin – refers to the Virgen de Guadalupe when I say it

La Pobreza:                     Poverty