All I want for Christmas is you

Why is the month of December so much more difficult for me than any other month?  It is the holiday spirit; gift giving, family gatherings, and the pictures of happy families posted everywhere that makes me so blue?  Or is it that I am really pea green with envy at what those pictures show; mom, dad, and child(ren) together and happy?  Why should they have what I have been denied for so many years?  The government took my husband away from me a mere two months before Christmas three years ago and I still feel some bitterness when I think about it.  Ashley has never had a Christmas with her father so at least she doesn’t know what is missing this time of year.  I suppose I prefer that way since this way I have less to make up for.  This year I’m asking Santa Claus to leave Alberto under the Christmas tree for me since that is the only thing I want.  I would love to send out a Christmas card with a picture of the three of us on it.

As I sat here at my faithful computer typing furiously the deluge of thoughts coursing through my head, I looked down at my right hand and smile.  I still wear the ring that Alberto bought me when he was 15.  He gave it to me on our 6th month anniversary back in June of 2002.  It makes me smile to remember when he gave me a choice between two rings that his sister-in-law had in stock while she was selling oro.  I choose the ring with the heart shaped cubic zirconia over the other option; an oval ring with the Virgen de Guadalupe on it.  Ashley likes to try on my ‘pretty’ as she calls it and will parade around the house showing off her ring.  She’s still trying to convince me to buy her a ring, so maybe I’ll find something cheap to give her for Christmas.  I still want to buy her a gold chain like mine for the gold medal of the Virgen de Guadalupe I bought for her in Mexico City last year.  It needs to be a Figaro chain so that she can’t break it, and I would prefer something in the 14-16 inch range so it’s less likely to fall off or get caught on something.  I should call la Madrina and see if she can find me one so I can buy it from Mexico.

Today was exhausting although I wouldn’t say I did anything deserving of that feeling.  I sit on my posterior at work doing whatever it is I’ve been assigned to do for the day while I drink obscene amounts of Crystal Light subsequently running to the bathroom to pee every 30 minutes.  I suppose that might count as exercise, but for the sake of honesty I’m not going to assign myself activity points for my potty breaks.  Speaking of points, I don’t know if I mentioned it or not, but I am now a Weight Watcher girl.  I find the program much easier to deal with than regular calorie counting because you don’t get bogged down counting every little number and worrying if you had enough (insert vitamin/mineral/fiber/protein here).  I have 36 daily points on the Weight Watchers Points Plus program and that is enough with room for snacks as needed.  I created my own spreadsheet for tracking my points and I use it daily.  I’ll see if I am able to attach my excel spreadsheet to this post for everyone to see.  Maybe I should offer customized versions for a small donation to our legal fund…  Too bad I can’t sell it without risking legal action from litigation-happy attorneys at law.  Lord knows I had enough of attorneys when I worked for them.

Now I get to leave work, pick up my best girl, and go visit my husband at the county jail.  Maybe this time he’ll back up from the camera enough so that I can see more than the top of his head.  I can dream can’t it?

“Life is all about timing… the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable becomes available, the unattainable… attainable.  Have the patience, wait it out.  It’s all about timing.”

Stacey Charter

Ciao